After re-reading job's post on reconnecting, it would appear that W is indeed doing that. The markers and behaviors are there. That said, and after several false starts/stops along the way the past 6 months since BD#3, I am hopeful. It's been months since her declared deadline for herself went past. Yet I know that until I hear differently, her decision is still "I don't know" or "done". Some friends keep me in check on that bit.
I find it is imperative to re-read, review the archives, Cadet's homework, etc. Because in job's reconnection post, there was LBS me...getting antsy, wanting to push/pull, tow, whatever. Job's description and warning were very much needed as a self-administered 2x4...study this stuff folks!!
She has started initiating conversations with me about her work, even bouncing ideas off me. New T2 does absolutely awesome in listening, asking open questions, validating and letting her find her own solutions. It's in her eyes.
She has taken her high usage clothes out of the boxes and piles in the LR, and organized them and put away in the LR closet...guess that means she's not ready to return to the MBR, lol! There is some purging going on, again. And in her convos with me, there is some "telling", some hints or touching on things I might have noticed and wondered about, but luckily I have learned to STFU and wait and see.
I have been thinking a lot on the forgiveness and trust question, tossing out ideas here to see what comes back, to give me several perspectives, help me get to my own ideas of what exactly that looks like. And there is a reason...I think I am being tested on those things. An example, W went into work very, very early, without saying anything or leaving a note. I called her, she sounded RATHER disappointed when she answered...until...I said why I called, that I had planned on using her vehicle to get parts for my truck before she went to work, and I wanted to know if she was just running to the store, or ?, if she'd be back so I could use her vehicle. Total and complete tone and demeanor change. My speculation is she was thinking I called because I thought something else....and didn't trust. Mindreading? Yes, but taken only as speculation, not fact...
There have been some other things along those lines...
So I need to have my head very clear on what trust and forgiveness means to me, because I have a feeling my feet are going to be held to the fire, because no one would want to return to a R and have the spouse hold things over their heads forevermore. I will be tested on if I mean what I say, that integrity of mine that I value. If I truly DO forgive and can leave the past in the past... I never aim to fail. Johnny Cash's "Walk the Line" has a newer/different meaning to me these days.
So that's the sitch update...
Me...busy as heck with work, the house stuff, cooking up storms of food, supporting teen angst in our middle child, Homework Cat Herder with those two...just everyday life.
And everyday life is good.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
