Kdog - I might be enabling him not to work by supporting him financially, but then again, he is enabling me to pursue my career by doing much of the childcare and most of the housework, so I guess it works both ways. I know he does want to work and is looking for work, but the economy is bad. I've let him know if he wants to do voluntary work or training, we can afford for him to do that. But I don't want to make this decision for him.
Regarding finances - he's never been the sole earner and we've never had shared accounts. He generally paid a % of his income directly into my account to cover his share of the household expenses and had the rest to do as he pleased with. Now I pay a %of my income into his account for household expenses (food shopping, petrol for his car etc) and extra for his own needs to do as he pleases with. The rest of the bills and my own transport costs are covered from my account and the amount of money I have for personal fun money is probably about the same as his. We could open a joint account - we just never have before - but I would not be adverse to it.
Drinking - yes - this is a problem for us both, I think. I didn't have anything yesterday and nothing today, and I am planning on continuing this. Neither of us are physically dependent, but I know I over-use alcohol to get rid of anxiety, boredom and loneliness and I want to stop that. I think DH uses it for much the same reasons.
What do I want? I want to be more emotionally independent - not reliant on DH or the booze to deal with my negative feelings. I want to get more exercise and take better care of my emotional and physical health. I want to have a better relationship with my children - spend more time doing fun things with them. I want to balance my work and family life better, and spend less time on social media. I want to find a way to treat my husband with respect without stifling him or mothering him or expecting him to mother me. I want to find some actions I can take that will make changes to my life and our relationship, rather than just endlessly having conversations that turn into arguments and don't really cause any change. I want to have fun again.
My DH is isolated - has few friends and not a huge amount of close contact with his family. He's always been this way - he's an introverted person. He used to have many interests, but I don't see that so much now. I think he's possibly depressed, but I also think he feels that so much of his time is spent care-taking me or the children that he has no time for himself any more. That is why I originally suggested we send our youngest to daycare for a couple of days a week - to give him that time. So I suppose I could also say that as much as I want to GAL for myself, I'd like to see him GAL too and I want to stop getting in the way of that, if I am, but I don't want to do it for him, either (of course I couldn't, but I mean, I know I can't and I don't want to try).
