And I just keep going...

[keep_going]

Bug, Say, Acc - It's so good to see you guys over here. Your posts and presence make me feel at home!

You guys have been here for me for a long time... Always pushing me forward and encouraging me.

Re. my H's apology...
I used to think that I really needed him to recognize and apologize. After he did, I have to say, not much really changed, since it had been a long time since he had stopped spewing at me and his surface behavior towards me had been civilized for a long time...

Nothing much changed in the sense that he may be remorseful that he hurt me, yet is not willing to do anything about it. Sure, I can now say I was right, but as 25 says, being right doesn't make me happy...

I guess the only consolation is that I know I wasn't crazy - lol...

I may chukle now, but as many, many here, there were times where I truly doubted my sanity and let that perky, nasty fear of "what if" take over... 25 and Grace said it some time ago on this same thread - the negative thinking of "what if H is right and I am truly broken, truly nasty and truly unlovable?" is very dangerous. Because that is what "the bomb" really is - having the person you most trusted in this world telling you that you are disposable and that they don't want anything with you. And that messes up with your psyche like nothing else. So I guess I found validation that I was not as crazy as he said.

But other than that, his apology really didn't mean anything in practical terms. I have actually read a few times on the boards from others who also got an apology, some many years later or after D, and it seems like my feelings about it are pretty common with what others felt.

And yes, Acc - it's amazing how a WAS will rationalize things in their minds to make things work for them...
My H has said many, many times since day 1 after DB - "we are not married." Yet, we have filed taxes as a married couple these three years, and just two months ago, he asked me to put him on my health insurance as his spouse, since his doesn't kick in until January. LOL...