It might just be semantics, but something about that "Detached" word always rubbed me the wrong way. When we said "I do", we became As One. We were, and still are, attached. I will not consider myself detached from my W unless and until we are divorced. Feeling each others pain is part of being attached. This doesn't mean we let it ruin our happiness.

The best way I found to deal with my W's depression is to not take it personally. The experts around here tell us we didn't break them, and we can't fix 'em. When you're living with a MLC'er in depression, it doesn't take long to see this is the truth.

I believe our spouses are doing the best they can, considering where they are at and all that they are dealing with. And it is not about us. If you keep this in mind you can feel H's pain, not take it personally, and still enjoy every day.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl