And the beat goes on..!

[littleGTO]

Thanks, everyone for your positive feedback and well wishes regarding my health.

Filed for D today--ughhhh. It was awful. I just cried but refused to say anything directly to stbxh while we were at the court house, except when I handed our the check for the filing fee I said, "Worse money ever spent."
He said, "You say that but I can't believe you still want to be M to me."
Me- "I don't want to be M to someone who doesn't want to be M to me."
H- "You deserve so much more."
Me- "Yes, I do." End of conversation.
Seems like everything has been said and anything that gets brought up these days is only sad and stressful and negative, so I defaulted to silence after that.

He asked how I was feeling (health-wise) and I gave a non-emotional, non-committal "fine." He said, "So, that's how it's going to be when we cross paths?" I said, "for now."

Of course this isn't so regarding our communication about the boys. However, most of our comm. is now in texting form-just easier that way- no face-to-face, no emotions to play into the convo. I need it that way for now.

After we filed I hit the gym hard-- destressor for so long now for me! Felt 1000 times better after and haven't cried since. One step at at time.

Talked to pianoman and am keeping our R completely separate from my D (we don't talk about my sitch much at all). I rely on my friends, a few select family members and my C to deal with my D. I don't feel a new R would survive if I was looking for a guy to "support" my emotional battle through a D.

Sometimes it feels odd to have a person in my life but they can't really be my new best friend because there are restrictions on what we talk about (not the D). A little weird, but working for me so far.

He took me to NYC for the day (he knows the city very well) and we had the absolute best, romantic, fun day/date!!! Again, it is so very nice to feel good again...like there is definitely life after D!