It's only fear that makes you run

[Whiterose]

Ok job, I'll wait, quietly. When my lawyer calls me back I'll only ask about the status of everything and mention, for her notes, what he has been saying

S19 was quick to reassure me that he didn't believe his dad. I said I know but that it pains me greatly that he's even trying to do this. He didn't do it recently, it was (I'm guessing) during the month he wasn't talking to me. S19 said the last time h brought up the court date was nov 6 (during his bday dinner-nice, eh!) S19 only just happened to mention it today. I did say to s that if, and when, h brigs it up again he is to say "you wanted this. No one else. If you have problems talk to mom and keep us out of it" I figure at 19 s can state some hard truths while setting up some boundaries.....again. I feel like I'm always telling S19 "that was inappropriate" "tell your dad to leave you out of it" "he can call me"

Making a huge pot of chilli for the boys dinner on Wednesday night, while I'm at the awards party, and there is enough for 2-3 more dinners. Housework. Laundry and work Tuesday to Saturday, incl strike sat night, then I'm getting photos of me and the boys Sunday Going to take down my wedding pic and put family photos when I get he prints.

[Pudmuddle]

I'm sorry your H is being a total @ss to you. Ugh, this is the part of things I hate, when it starts getting so ugly. Why do people have to do this...I'm sorry Rose. I think job gave you some great advice. I think you gave your S some great advice for boundaries. How terrible your H has to use him that way. Geez, I just don't get it.

Sounds like you will have a great time at the awards party, please focus on you having fun and not this mess. We are all here for you.

[Whiterose]

I really love all you guys!!!! Thanks so much for all your support and advice and, of course, love!

Sooooooooooo I kinda got my wind back. I should have done it earlier but, as so of us know, I stalled. S19 telling me this info today pushed me forward

I got an email saying H was trying to change the Apple ID password again UGGGG so I changed it again and then called apple. They walked me through changing the id to my email address and completely removing H's email info so he is more than ready to start a new account if he would like. He has no access to the old downloads, those are now solely owned by me and the boys, but he has everything on his iPod so i hope he's smart enough to back up the songs. I guess he'll have to find someone else to pay for that new Eminem cd!

So it's like revenge but not really as it had to be done. It's my story and I'm sticking to it!! I have so much work to do this week and the party and Christmas orders are coming in fast and furious YAY so that's done and now I'm not terrified he's going to play with it.

[AJM]

The next time he does something like that, give yourself permission to get angry, but in quiet. But take the advice and don't engage in the jackassery. It's par for the course that they want to be the victim in the story. Believe me, it's hard to watch and feels "icky" to say the least.

But note your son didn't believe it. Why? Because it's not true. If you engage, you give fodder to the fire and make it harder for others, such as your son, to see what's really going on.

Always take the high road. It s*cks for a bit because it is so unfair, right? But let it go unengaged and he'll soon stop and find some other avenue. As Jack once mentioned, you need to pull those buttons out by the wires - one at a time. You'll find some that you didn't know were still there, but keep to the strategy and it'll die down sooner than if you engage.

Ever wonder why they get new friends and eschew the old ones? If you ask me, it's because the old ones tell them the truth, and the new ones don't know it - so they can't remind him he's lying. The only friends that stick around are the ones that either don't know, or don't care about that stuff.

MLCrs are notorious for rewriting history to suit their needs and feelings. Fact is of little relevance to their trip.

You'll be happier if you help to keep your S out of it. In the long run, it'll pay off and most likely your S will tell you that at a later date. Most kids are very perceptive. Yours are

Peace,
AJ

[Whiterose]

You're right AJM. You and job have very valid points.

I'm trying all the time to give the S19 the words to tell his dad "STOP" but I'm beginning to think he doesn't say anything and allows H to spew. I think he doesn't want to anger H more or cause a bigger rift between them.

So now a bit of a dilemma. Do I message H to tell him I've taken ove the acct using my login info so he has email address back to create is own iTunes acct of do I leave it?

[willbwell]

Whiterose, just catching up. You are SO ahead of me! gifts bought! lights up! man, I 'd better get on it!

Advise s19 when h brings up D stuff, to kindly say sorry h , that is between you and mom.
I know my s20 feels the most strife about the sit.

Why do you need to tell h about the acct?

you are doing great! A day at a time right? We have those moments, but I think we have learned, they will pass. we keep marching forward!

[job]

WR,
I wouldn't contact him about the account change. He's a grown man and can figure things out for himself. He should have set up his own account after he left. You've already had a discussion w/him about this a while ago. If he contacts you, I think I would ignore the text since he's been advised previously.

Time for the man to man up and face the consequences of his actions.

WR, it's a rocky road when trying to settle up financials and divorce issues, but I promise you, it will get better.

[Pudmuddle]

I'm glad you changed the apple account, seriously he needs to figure out his own stuff.

Sorry he's being such an @sS.

Hang in there Rose, you are sound more confident each day.

[Whiterose]

WbW well, S19 wanted the lights up before it gets any colder so he got it done so he gets all the credit for that. He's hounding me to get started on the banking, every year I make 10ish different types of bars and cookies to serve at the holidays. Not quite sure when I'll find time but I'll need to at least make a few favourites.

I just thought, to be the better person, I'd inform him of the changes. I didn't do it with bcaa and got my head bitten off when he tried to use it (even though it was my acct) but yes, the consensus here (and in my "real" life) is that it's time for butter cup to grow up and man up. I won't say anything, and he hasn't messaged me since Saturday, so I'm guessing he may not say anything. Maybe, he's not talking to me again. Who knows.

Thanks for the vote of confidence ladies. Hope,you are all have a fabulous day!!!!

[job]

WR,
Don't open Pandora's Box by contacting him. If and when he does, you can advise him of the change. Enjoy you peace and quiet and let sleeping dogs lie.