I'm not doing good once again just had an argument with the H, wanted to take the boys the weekend on Dec 6-8 and I him that the boys and I had made plans that weekend and he got mad because it was supposed to be his weekend to have them; well my problom with that is i never know when he wants The boys he always tells me last minute and then expects me to just give in to every time he wants them. He told me that I needed to talk to him about any plans before I make them with The boys. Anyway he wanted to know what we had planned for that weekend and I told him that we just made plans to do some things together. So now he tells me that I can have them on Dec 6 and he will take them on Saturday and Sunday. Then i did a really big step back and told him why do i have to give up everything just because he said so. Then he tells me that i have the boys more then he does and that he cant go three weekends without seeing them. Well last weekend it was his lost he had decided to go to the college football game with OW instead of spending time with his boys. The real reason I wanted them that weekend is because it would have been my 14th wedding anniversary on Dec 6 and I didn't want to be on my own that weekend this will be the most saddest day for me and I just wanted to be with the only two men that still loves me. And stupid me went and called MIL up and told her about what I did and she told new that I had handle that all wrong I should have just told him that we made plans and if he had continued to get mad then I should have just hunged up on him instead of giving in for saturday and sunday and again I give him want he wanted. And this is not The way for me to try to save my marriage by always giving in to his demands. I just don't know what else I can do. I try to be nice and try to stand up for myself but it doesn't matter what I do I still end up being in the wrong. Maybe this is a sign for me just to give up. Since I can't do anything right.I wish that I could afford to call the DB coaches to get their advice. I'm so lost one minute I think I'm doing good then bang I'm back to square one again. I never can get ahead.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I'm not doing good once again just had an argument with the H, wanted to take the boys the weekend on Dec 6-8 and I him that the boys and I had made plans that weekend and he got mad because it was supposed to be his weekend to have them; well my problom with that is i never know when he wants The boys he always tells me last minute and then expects me to just give in to every time he wants them. He told me that I needed to talk to him about any plans before I make them with The boys. Anyway he wanted to know what we had planned for that weekend and I told him that we just made plans to do some things together. So now he tells me that I can have them on Dec 6 and he will take them on Saturday and Sunday. Then i did a really big step back and told him why do i have to give up everything just because he said so. Then he tells me that i have the boys more then he does and that he cant go three weekends without seeing them. Well last weekend it was his lost he had decided to go to the college football game with OW instead of spending time with his boys. The real reason I wanted them that weekend is because it would have been my 14th wedding anniversary on Dec 6 and I didn't want to be on my own that weekend this will be the most saddest day for me and I just wanted to be with the only two men that still loves me. And stupid me went and called MIL up and told her about what I did and she told new that I had handle that all wrong I should have just told him that we made plans and if he had continued to get mad then I should have just hunged up on him instead of giving in for saturday and sunday and again I give him want he wanted. And this is not The way for me to try to save my marriage by always giving in to his demands. I just don't know what else I can do. I try to be nice and try to stand up for myself but it doesn't matter what I do I still end up being in the wrong. Maybe this is a sign for me just to give up. Since I can't do anything right.I wish that I could afford to call the DB coaches to get their advice. I'm so lost one minute I think I'm doing good then bang I'm back to square one again. I never can get ahead.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Sorry you're having a bad day K. It really s**ks when that happens.
Have you considered getting a written agreement on visitation and support? When my H decided that our "trial separation" was going to become a permanent separation we had an agreement prepared which specifies custody, visitation and child support amongst other things. Of course it sounds like my H is being much more amicable than yours, but some sort of agreement would give you some protection. Our agreement specifies that I have sole custody, with H having unlimited visitation provided 24 hours notice is given. I've only once had to turn down a request and that was because my son was already committed to attending an Army Cadet exercise.
Stay strong!
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I'm so lost one minute I think I'm doing good then bang I'm back to square one again. I never can get ahead.
Hang in there. This DB road circles back around itself as much as it goes up and down. When you're in the low spots, you can call on your DB friends, and when you realize you've circled back, take a deep breath and know that you can get back on track and keep going. You won't always believe yourself, but just trust yourself anyway, and soon you'll be looking back and not be able to believe you got so much further down the road. You're *not* always wrong.
I'm really scared I'm hoping that when I go to get help thru The county for my electric and heating that I will be approved for the help. If not I dont know what I'm going to do about heating my home for the winter. I just for once would like to get some good luck in my life. No matter what I do I always fail in everything. Like when I moved to H home town I lost my friends because I they really didn't like him because he was taking me away from everything that I know and love but I told them that he was really good to me and he will take good care of me. About ten years ago I was able to make up with my friends from back home and now I don't have the heart to tell them that I had failed once again. As much as I'm so grateful to have my boys I so wished that I had never moved to H hometown . I should have just listen to my friends the had told me that I would not be very happy moving to the state I'm living in right now. And I told them that i will be OK cause I had H and he would never hurt me. Oh I was so wrong on that and now I'm where I told them that I will never end up at. Just for once I would love like to get some good luck on my side.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
K, you haven't failed in everything. Look at your two boys. You're a great mom and a great person. Don't ever forget that .
I don't know how it works in the States, but in Ontario the power companies are not permitted by law to cut off heat or electric during the winter, especially if there are seniors or children in the property. Just be honest with them and tell them what you are able to afford and what you need help with.
You can get through this. I'm sure your friends will understand - if they are true friends they won't desert you just because you were wrong about your H.
Stay strong. Hope you're having a better day today.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I just for once would like to get some good luck in my life.
I have a hand-painted and pinstriped plate hanging in my garage that says "unlucky" with a cobweb and black widow spider. I have it because I am unlucky. I should just get it tattooed on me, LOL! I have the absolute worst luck in the world. But I love life and live it to the max. I don't turn anything over to luck, because I know if I do it will go against me every time. Luck = chance, and I do not leave my life to chance.
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and now I don't have the heart to tell them that I had failed once again.
H leaving you is not YOUR failure, it is his failure. Same with my W. Sure I did things wrong in the M, but I've corrected all those mistakes and made myself into the spouse only a fool would leave and still my W shuts me out. So that makes HER the fool and the failure. If you fix yourself then you are not a failure, you're a success story.
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As much as I'm so grateful to have my boys I so wished that I had never moved to H hometown . I should have just listen to my friends the had told me that I would not be very happy moving to the state I'm living in right now.
We all have regrets in life. You can make yourself miserable thinking about them or you can accept them, learn from them and move on.
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Just for once I would love like to get some good luck on my side.
Don't leave things to chance, you have the power to make a great life for yourself. What is holding you back is fear of the unknown and fear of change. Up to this point you've been a victim of H, he has changed your life against your will. So take the reigns away from him and YOU drive the changes from now on. Accept life without him. Figure out what YOU want to do and put that plan into action. That is the path to healing. You can do this, you're going to discover you're way more powerful and resilient than you thought!
Hi Kelela, MH, NQ and AS said some really great things here. I would only like to add that we all make mistakes. Sometimes we make the same mistake more than once. It happens we are only human. We all are imperfect. We do eventually learn from our mistakes though. Once we are able to recognize our failures and mistakes that is the path to learning.
I agree with all the comments and posts on here I know you're strong and you can get through this latest sitch Think of your anniversary day as just another day, plan something that has nothing whatsoever to do with your anniversary. It helped me get through it My IC asked me today what am I doing for my emotional wellbeing? I tried to answer it but she said it's not enough and I need to be doing something every night. I've to turn off my computer early (haha!!) and go and give myself a bit of a pampering Maybe you also could do something like that as well
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
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