Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Ambivalent]

Pud,

I am going to offer something I saw. Please take this the way intended, with sincerity .

I noticed when you had "the" conversation, that both of you wanted to be heard. It seemed neither of you validated each other.

It also seemed as if you believe that because you suffer from what I suffer, depression, that your affair had a better excuse than his! Now perhaps if you let him know that there was NO excuse for what you did, perhaps you will forgive yourself.

Whether he does or not, you can't control. However, validating goes a long way in these types of conversations.

How 'bout ..." I can see how you may have needed to connect, or release or run to less stress. "

Also, perhaps the next time you have a need, such as support when suffering, let him know exactly what it is you need. Be specific. This speaks to his planet ( Mars ) and his need to fix things.

I need a hug, I need your manly body on top of me...heh heh heh! >;}...This way he is set up to win! He will know what you need and he can fix something. You get what you need and he knows how to fix what needs fixing!