Thank you AJ. I'll look into it and see what is going on with my lawyer. H is asking what the boys want for Christmas and I wonder where he's getting the money for presents and not food?
I would guess that if they have a snap going into mlc there would be a light bulb coming out it's just a matter of acknowledging it.
Funny, well to me funny, thing happened yesterday. S19 and his friend put up our Christmas lights, something h does every year, so he had to call his dad about a few things. It wasn't working so S19 was asking me, I've never put lights on a gutter, I said I had no idea. Maybe call your dad back. He came in to get the phone and, I thought, had gone back outside. I was vacuuming and the song "good life" by one republic, came on the radio and I turned it up. It's our Disneyworld song. Disney had made the song a part of their 2011/2012 ad campaign so when we surprised the boys with the trip we woke them up at midnight, school night, blaring that song and said "it's time to go!" Anyway, it was the family trip of a lifetime. We saved for 6 years to go. I digress......s19 was talking to H in his room, right in the next room, and H wasn't impressed with the level of the stero and s19 came out and said "mom!" I turned off the vacuum and the stero down and apologized and said I thought you'd gone outside. He got off the phone and said "dad said first thing first turn down the stero!" I guess he doesn't like the Disneyworld song anymore. Lol.
Went out with a friend yesterday. She works at a sports store and was able to get me clothes and runners for the boys for Christmas 50-60% off. I spent a lot of money but it was all stuff the boys need (track pants, shirts, pj bottoms, socks, fun stuff like that. Lol. Found some Canucks boxer shorts, shaped like a puck, and slippers for stocking stuffers too). Then we went to a local tree lighting for about an hour then we went to a cute little store where I tried on a dress that looked good on me, and I have the wedding awards this Wednesday and I can wear it to the warehouse Christmas party.....I shouldn't have bought it because I can't afford it but I've lost so much weight nothing fits and it made me feel pretty. I joked with my girlfriend, and the sales lady, that it was too bad most of the men are gay at the awards......lol. So that's Wednesday. Then Thursday my mom won some passes to a craft fair right by my house so I'm going.
When we were going through some stores yesterday I was looking at the ornaments and started to cry. Christmas is getting closer and I'm missing h but then I stopped and had fun.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, They tend to cry the blues that they have no money, but really they do. They just don't want to share it w/the family, especially the spouse.
I'm very happy to read that you are starting to decorate and your son helped w/the decorating outside. This should be a boost to morale and give the boys something to look forward to. I'm also glad to read that you got out and did shopping and had some fun. As for the dress...true, you may not have been able to afford it, but you've not done one thing for yourself since this all started...so I think it was okay to splurge on the dress and I'm sure you'll look great for the wedding awards and the Christmas party.
As for the stereo blasting away...good for you! The music he heard let him know that life is going on and he's missing out big time. Poor thing...couldn't hear a word your son said. LOL!
You and your boys will be fine...it's going to be okay, whether your h is there for the holidays for not...it's time for new traditions and maybe you and your boys can create some new ones.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can't emphasize that enough. As Job mentioned, you will be ok. I found that the first holiday season s*cked raw eggs. At the time, my ex was openly with OM and was sending me pictures (texting) from things they were doing with the kids (especially family tradition type things like getting a Christmas tree out west of here) (I'm surprised I didn't get any sex pictures, but that's just an idea of what frame of mind she was in). I resolved that since my family was disintegrated and gone, my ex was openly cheating with OM and talking marriage, my kids were away for the holidays for the first time in 20 years... that I was NOT going to have another holiday like that. Ever.
I spent a lot of years creating traditions for my family. I would just do it again. And as easy as that, new traditions began in earnest.
Believe me when I tell you, making those new traditions is important. Or at least it was to me. I very much look forward to the holidays now (again) and have for years. I have tried many things along the way - I kept some and let others go to try something else until they became my and my kids traditions.
It takes a long time to get the right mix of new, and in some cases, old traditions blended just right. I had a four year horizon for my planning. By the 3rd year I had forgot about my planning timelines. LOL.
Give it a whirl. I think you'll find that it's really a lot of fun and "freeing" at the same time.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm sooooo angry. S19 just revealed to me that every time he sees H he brings up how expensive court is and he wishes that it could have been settled out of court. HE BROUGHT ME TO COURT!!!!!!!!!!! I messaged him about stuff and he phones S19 and sends me a nasty letter. Then he refuses to talk to me for a month!!!! HE IS TRYING TO TELL S19 THIS IS MY FAULT!?!?!!!! Are you F'N kidding me!!!!!!!
How dare he?? I've called my lawyer. I want to know what's going on with the financials. When can I see child support. And that she knows he is saying this!
I'm so upset I'm shaking. I want to cry.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, Breathe! Your h is trying to play the martyr to your son. He wants to blame you for everything, which in fact, he's the one that started the entire mess. He wants your son to believe that he has no money because of the divorce proceedings. He is trying to gain your son's trust and win him over to his way of thinking. I also think he did this deliberately so that your son will tell you so that you will push harder on the paperwork.
WR, I know you aren't going to like what I have to say, but I'm going to say this because you are doing exactly what he wants...let the system do its job. Don't push harder. Let this man sit in his pot of juices. He is knows that you will jump through hoops when you are angry. Settle down, relax, sit in a comfy chair and kick your feet up. Time to make him sweat some for a change.
Yep, the holidays are here...it brings the crazy making out in the pod people. They aren't happy, therefore no one is going to be happy either. Take the high road and do not let him see you sweat! Don't fall for his games of passive-aggressive behavior.
It's going to be okay. Let him spin his tales of woe. Your son should know better and what the truth is.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Your ex is being truthful - he DOES wish it hadn't gone to court. He wishes he could have had the zipless divorce - the one where you say "Sure, honey, go with my blessing, and oh, by the way, you can take all the money and don't have to pay a cent to anyone".
(And, for those of you that are too young to get the "zipless" reference, google Erica Jong zipless f*ck). These WASs all want the equivalent in a divorce - one where things magically fall away with no consequences.
kml, I hear you! I remember the "zipless" reference! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm tired of him trying to throw me under the bus!!! But, job, my paperwork has been in for four weeks. It was already in when he picked up S19 for his bday dinner on nov 6 (which was the last time H brought it up apparently).
I'm going to ask my lawyer, when she calls me back, what is going on, if anything, tell her what he's done but maybe I won't ask her to contact H's lawyer....I'll wait for the 13th. I have not contacted H, although I REALLY wanted to tell him to just go away. Nobody likes you just go away.
KML I'm going to look that up. It sounds about right though. He didn't want lawyers until I told him I wouldn't help him then he was lawyer gung-ho.
I'm so upset
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, I would wait until the 13th as planned. I would just inquire as to the status of the papers and leave it at that. I wouldn't even have your lawyer contact his.
You know exactly where your papers are and when you submitted them. You are in the clear. Notice how he's not jumping through hoops to pay you the back support or reimburse you for the check he got my mistake? Then listen to me, take a page out of his textbook just this once and don't jump through hoops for him to shut him up. The best way to deal w/him is to let him stew in his own juices in his own pot. You don't need to be in there w/him.
I know you are tired of him throwing you under the bus, but this is the MO. They do everything in their power to wear us down so that we will be more than happy to get rid of them. Don't take his bait.
Your son is old enough to either walk away or hang up when his father starts whining about you and the divorce proceedings and money. He should just tell his father that this is between you and him and not involve him. Technically, your h is using your son to get at you and he's doing a bang up job. I'm sorry, but it's got to stop and the best way to do that is to step back and allow the system to do it's work.
I know you are upset and believe me, this is what he wanted right here w/the holidays around the corner. Want to take a bet that he wanted to ruin your holiday spirit of the weekend? He was most like p@ssed that you were playing music and loudly and your son was putting up lights on the house. Poor little boy...no one will help him decorate his sand box.
Again, please don't react in a knee jerk way because this is what he wants and expects from you. The 13th is only a couple of weeks away.
Turn your music on and relax a bit this evening. Don't allow him to take your power away and above all else, don't allow him to bring you down. There is only room in that pot for one person and that is your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
