I want him to abandon his resentment towards me and realize that I am human and I effed up. He seeks revenge and retaliation for the things I do.
Pud, I think this is why T2 asked. While it's okay that you would like this to happen, this is entirely in your H's hands. He will take action here when he feels like doing it. Or conversely, he might not.
Neither one of his choices precludes you to understanding this dynamic and doing what you're doing so as not to do this in the future. You're doing your part, and this is a work in progress, right? And no matter what HE does, you can stick to your own forgiveness program. Hell, I know how hard it is. And it's a long term process. Just when you think you've completely crossed the bridge, you find yourself back on the side you began on.
The important part of this process is being vulnerable and humble to our own truths. You are your S16's model, and you're doing your part.
For the record, Pud... maybe you have been victimized?!?! I see a heart wrenching statement here in this post, 2nd paragraph that would be a tough pill to swallow in any marriage. I'm not advocating holding on to the victim mentality, but just maybe you've got a chicken and egg thing going here? From where I sit, you painted a very hurtful truth about how your H chooses to treat someone he loves.
The big question is: is the person he chooses to be from here on? And ultimately the biggest one is the one that has you deciding if he can be the man you need him to be. Actions are telling, and sometimes you have to be patient and take the time to see what happens. You're doing your part to *show* him that you can have something different than you had in the past.
I hope you do see that this whole process was not 100% your doing?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
