Just joined...

[Breakdown]

Welcome confused. I'm sorry you find yourself here, but keep posting.

Heard that about half a dozen times since May so don't put much faith in it as she seems to be in that pattern. Refuses to cut off ties with the ON because our kids play together and she says she can be friends and that is all for the kids sake. Also still contacts other men she has dated since she left and says they are only friends.

The kids playing together is an excuse. She doesn't cut contact because she doesn't want to. If you moved to a different school district, do you think it would be dramatic that he'd have to make new friends? It's a change, but it's not the end all.

If she was serious, she'd sever it.

So I have been paying attention but have told her I just don't think we can move forward as a couple with these friend relationships still existing.

That sounds like a pretty good boundary. Now hold her to it.

I told her now that the custody case was dropped she had no reason to pretend to be nice or want a relationship.

Couple of things bother me here. One, it sounds like you are trying to use the dropping of the case to control her. And two, it really does sound like there's some instability and valid reasons to be concerned about your W as a parent in her current state. Don't sacrifice your child's safety in an effort to be nice.

I can never forgive myself for that one, I just never saw it coming as she is a very strong individual.

Those are pretty strong words. We all make mistakes, and we all need to learn to forgive ourselves.

She attempted suicide later that year, had to keep my sons from seeing that as it was in our home. She told me she was trying to get my attention that she wanted more affection from me.

See above....that's pretty concerning to me.

I have tried NC, but she still calls or texts everyday with something concerning our boys.

You can't go completely no contact when you have kids...but you can limit discussions to the children.

I tell her if she is not committed please do not do this to or sons as it will crush them again.

There's a big difference between them wanting to keep the plates spinning and really wanting to reconcile. So far, everything you've said indicates she wants to keep the plates spinning. If that's not enough for you, you need to hold to your boundary.

I do realize I an to blame for half of marital issues, but her affair was a decision.

Careful. You're behavior during your M was a decision too wasn't it?

My question is where do you draw the line and say enough is enough. You don't want to break ties with AP completly because kids play together and you don't wasn't to disrupt him but I can't feet her to understand the pain and lack of trust it creates for me.

Ultimately, this is your decision....where you draw the line is where you decide. What you're willing to live with is completely up to you.

It really does sound like you have a lot of things to be concerned about, but you can't really "fix her." She's got her own path to walk. What you can do is give her space and time and focus on your stuff. So what are the things you want to work on? What don't you like about your role in the M? Who do you want to be?