Cadet, That's it! All I remember about that "soup" was the sauerkraut base.
RL, You've got a lot of ideas to mull over...but whatever you do, they have to be subtle so that it doesn't realize what you are doing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for all your advice everyone, about using the over-immersion system for curing H of his Russian fascination. Not sure it will work, but it's worth a try, eh? Job thanks for your advice about subtly. Doing all these things at once would be really funny, but not a good idea I guess It just cracks me up though, to think of walking around H's fur hat (oh yes, he has one, gift of EA#1), serving borscht and fermented cabbage in addition to fermented oatmeal. Tucking those nesting dolls here and there. And uR, will you whip me up some Russian outfits for H's skype video camera like FY suggested?
uR has been telling me I need to try something different, but I don't think that's what she meant! But I do intend to try some of Pud's and FY's reality darts. "Subtly drop hints that you don't intend to stand in this loveless M forever. That is the reality, right?" H is not being very nice, and is really getting to me, maybe it's time!
MLC plays havoc with memory - I am not sure why, but almost everyone on the Boards reports it. It isn't just the rewriting of history, but they will assert and believe events. Pre bd I thought that my xh was starting Alzheimers early, as his memory was totally shot even then. Their concentration is also poor.
For example my xh now clams that he always said that OW1 would never last, but I had an email from during the affair him saying that she was the woman he loved and intended to spend the rest of his life with. So he has rewritten his history with her too!
If you ever try to convince a MLCer they will usually say you are quoting them out of context. Thy believe what they want to believe, in short. It is a sort of magical thinking.
I heard the most wonderful quote the other day 'You are entitled to your own opinions, but you are not entitled to your own facts'
I just addressed this!! Thank God. Sometimes I think, "Did I remember this incorrectly?" Ummmm, no.
Can you please give me an example of a "truth dart?"
My definition of a truth dart is a one way reality comment regarding the relationship. It's a few words that are tossed in a conversation when things are going well, that basically hint as to how you feel, or where you are regarding the relationship. I say one way because you really are not looking for a response, because a response could easily lead to a drawn out relationship talk which likely would not be helpful.
Timing is everything! Reality darts (my preferred term) are never injected when things are tense. Toss your darts and move on. Give them time to have affect.
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Yes. Timing is crucial. H and I have had a fairly good relationship and I have just started dropping them now.
A few of my favourites?
"When D leaves for college, this house is going to be too big for just me." -that one had him saying we'd hire yard help and a cleaner....
" As a person in my profession, I could work anywhere."
Yes. Timing is crucial. H and I have had a fairly good relationship and I have just started dropping them now.
A few of my favourites?
"When D leaves for college, this house is going to be too big for just me." -that one had him saying we'd hire yard help and a cleaner....
" As a person in my profession, I could work anywhere."
^^^ Like.
W and I are hosting my family for TG dinner and have spent much time this past weekend working together on preparations. As such, I really wanted to toss a few of those reality darts, but decided it would be poor timing because I know she is overwhelmed with the task at hand, and would not be at all receptive. This is what I mean by timing. You BOTH need to be in a good place when reality darting. Never do it when you are feeling needy or upset. It likely won't end well.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Ruby, those are great reality darts, thanks. I need all the examples I can get, and then will have to memorize them Thanks for the advice FY,not to try to do any reality darting when we are feeling needy or upset. It would probably just come out whiny and complaining.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
It just cracks me up though, to think of walking around H's fur hat (oh yes, he has one, gift of EA#1), serving borscht and fermented cabbage in addition to fermented oatmeal. Tucking those nesting dolls here and there. And uR, will you whip me up some Russian outfits for H's skype video camera like FY suggested?