It is well with my soul

[RosaLinda]

A DBer's prayer for Thanksgiving week, an old hymn, a prayer to become detached enough to truly be able to say "it is well with my soul" no matter what is going on with our spouses. I'm surely not anywhere near there yet

-----When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
-----When sorrows like sea billows roll;
-----Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
-----It is well, it is well, with my soul.

-----It is well, with my soul,
-----It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I am having problems detaching, big big problems. I admit it, after 4 years I'm still a DB failure. I am busy and happy, with lots going on, yet am still attached. I understand what is required, that we go happily about our lives, without letting our spouse's words or actions affect us. But I cannot do it. How can a person get so strong that anger and disdain radiating out of the person she loves the most in the world do not bother her? I hate to see my H so depressed, so unhappy.

H continues to be distant and cold, and has really not spoken to me for 10 days. He does not look at me, does not talk to me. Occasionally he seems horribly angry for no apparent reason, like the first few months of MLC. He has gotten like for a day or two this every few weeks since he returned from Moscow, usually in response to the Russian pushing him, but it has never lasted this long. I usually get some spew, and then he goes back to his kitty kitten ways of peaceful co-existence.

I am giving him lots of space, keeping far away from him. He spent a few days at his mom's house last weekend, and then again last night, which is puzzling. Maybe he's getting ready for a move, the next step; I'm not sure.

Well if he goes, I'll be fine. I decided! His loss. The Russian's loss too, when it comes down to it, as I'm sure she does not want to be supporting him.

I have been learning a great song on the flute, a GAL activity which can be done alone or with others! "I will always love you." I was going to use it for my "theme song" for this thread. But I'm not ready to move on (moving forward yes, but not on yet) but fear that maybe H is considering it. Maybe it's H's new theme song.

-----If I should stay
-----Well, I would only be in your way
-----And so I'll go, and yet I know
-----That I'll think of you each step of my way
-----And I will always love you
-----I will always love you
-----Bitter-sweet memories
-----That's all I have, and all I'm taking with me
-----Good-bye, oh, please don't cry
-----'Cause we both know that I'm not
-----What you need
-----But I will always love you
-----I will always love you

So how un-detached is this? Start a new thread and all I do is complain about the man. Here is how I am: busy and happy, have some new friends who mean a lot to me. Lots to do this week. Two wakes to go to, which is very sad during a holiday week. Three hearings coming up the first 2 weeks of December so I have lots of legal writing to do, which I adore. Two dear friends, Nero and AlbaMarie, both gave me great books to read. I'm working two days in the ER, including Thanksgiving night. A busy week. No reason to be attached to that big dope, and no time either. Everything to be grateful for -- a warm house, running water, indoor plumbing, good health, decent vision, a loving family, wonderful friends, two great jobs I love, and this forum. Thanks!