Thanks all for your time to check in, giving me things to think of and your kindnesses.
Gabbysmom- Thanks for your words, it does come across like I'm blaming me. I actually wonder about the dynamic, what makes him say those things? Those are very much pre BD, where we both say things just to argue. Of course, he was already in his MLC funk and depression for awhile at that point. I just wonder and won't change what I discuss at all lmao!!
Busting- What the heck? I have no answers lol.
BD- ya, he is really sixteen some days, why would you say something like that? I got the context a little more over the weekend, but still doesn't excuse the text... In terms of validating him, at last I recognized it lol! Still have work to do...always...sigh. A couple of conversations came up this weekend, where I realize he is still far away from being able to discuss anything related to how we were in the past. I opened the door a couple of times, but it got shut pretty quickly with a 'can't change the past'. I said "yes, but you can learn from it.
Funny how he starts rewriting stuff already. He had some opinions on friends of ours who are separating, and I reminded him that when we split, he also felt the same about me and that by his own admission he didn't get happy when he left. (because I was not the root cause of all his evil).
I had also mentioned, in the context of something else, when he wanted to give his relationship a shot with MG at the end of JUne and said I basically had to get out of his life. He said "No that it was much earlier, like May, she had already broken up with me..." I know for a fact it was end of June,and he has rewritten that part in his head already lol! (never mind anything that would have happened pre BD).
Bestie- I just have to shake my head, seriously. I got no excuses, no nothing.
I'm still learning how to validate to Ruby. When I do manage, I realise that STfU and validating make any interaction much more pleasant.
Thanks for your concern of where I am. :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am continuing my responses now because I like, had to work and stuff, you know? Interferes with perfectly good forum time.
Bug and uW: you guys are basically saying the same thing and thank you Usually I am more balanced, but then again, I don't post when I am not thinking about H or in his space because then I would be thinking of him lol. But I really know these things.
This leads me to my next stage. Now, disclaimer, this doesn't take up space in my head or life.
H and I had a great weekend away. He commented twice on how we started off polite etc. and then it was let loose by the end (in a good way). We both had a phenomenal time, just driving, hanging around, out for dinner, lunch etc. We chatted a bit, nothing too serious. H said he was so proud of what I was doing and that I was amazing at my job. He said that I should never feel like a burden for doing my schooling etc., because he was living vicariously through it to an extent and never ever feels that I am an obligation.
Of course he said he has to put in H disclaimers (about dating each other) but in my head it always seems like his "out" you know? As if he can say at anytime "I told you I hadn't made up my mind."
In response to this, I am sticking to my timeline and will see exactly where he is or isn't. It will require a more definite commitment if he wants to continue our relationship or if he is still unsure, or even thinks he does not want a relationship, then he gets all the time and a heck of a lot of space to grow. That is in terms of me setting boundaries so I can continue to move forward with my life. I am perfectly aware that my movement is still forward right now, but slower than it should be.
I have no expectation from the future. I have wants (especially after having H in my life and bed for 72 hours ), but you don't always get what you want.
I am perfectly prepared to do what I have to to ensure that I, and in turn H, can move forward in this life.
It's not MY holiday...why am I all over the map?? LOL
Not really, just having the feelings of wanting things to be decided , lately. To have someone there, no matter what. Now the peculiar thing is, I know that whatever i asked or needed, H would be there. But he is not, really, in the way I will need to move forward. Make sense?
And now, for my own personal enjoyment and totally external validation, H texts me and says "Congrats"
I ask why
Apparently a friend of his asked who the hot chick was, didn't realize it was H's stbxw/separated partner whatever we are....
I replied "Cool"
His reply? "Ya, so congrats."
LOL. Just realized H hasn't said "ex wife in many a moon..." Nice. both that he hasn't said it and that I didn't pay attention lol.
But on the "what the h-e-double hockey sticks goes through his mind category, he posts a FB about always getting up early so he can gaze at the "rise of a hip beneath a white sheet."
Good morning doll face and Happy Thanksgiving! Miss me much? lol! I found you here because it's your most recent post. I've got a lot of reading to do to catch up, but I wanted to say Hi! So... Hi!! Talk soon... I'm off to round up and say hello to more of my peeps.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
Wonka! It's ready and waiting by the fire pit in my back yard... well, half the bottle is left! I was just looking for you but your most recent thread is locked. I was about to hijack you on someone else's! Ruby's will do! (thx Ruby!)
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
), but you don't always get what you want.
Where's my amaretto?!