Thank you for responding - and your kind comments.
Bea, never presumptuous. Sadly, I know how common my story is and how many people can relate.
This hurt will pass, as the rest did. The hurts do, I have learned.
What holds me back from saying to him that I do not want him in my life and please do not contact me ever again? The past is gone. I loved our relationship and I miss it.
That conversation last night was awkward and demoralizing. And pointless. Still, I cannot seem to be able to tell him to bugger off and leave me be - forever and ever. Why? I am getting along fine without him. Nero pegged it - for someone who used to make me feel happy and good, now only hurts me and makes me feel bad.
Bea, I don't know if he is still hung up on me. He's lonely - the GF is gone, the sister (whom he was close to) is gone and he figured that I would be there. He has only felt my loss because HE has lost. Fantasyland turned out to be a fantasy. But he is still neck deep in his lies. 2 x 4 or not, I will need remorse and an acknowledgement regarding how much pain he caused me. If he cannot do that, there is no salvaging this.
Truth is this whole thing seems pointless.
I did not have any expectations of an apology or anything for this first conversation, but neither did I expect to hear in technicolour how little he thought of me when he was happy with GF. I have never been in therapy, but does he talk to his therapist about this? What would she say? Or is he lying to her, too?
I guess we all have set back days and this will be one for me.
With any luck, I won't hear from him for a long time. Maybe not at all.
