Raine, I have seen marriages reconciled. And what I have noticed is that often the LBS goes back through the stages of grief. One last time.
So, you are revisiting the disbelief, the anger, the sadness, etc. on your way to acceptance. And that's ok.
You are on a journey, too. It is important to continue to take care of you, too, my friend.
While you knew a lot of this stuff before, you kind of held it at bay. As you said, you put up walls, you did what you needed to do to self protect.
Now you have to learn to live with those feelings you are letting in more and more.
It is hard while you are also letting him in more and more.
So, take your time, sweetie. Start to feel them. They deal with them when you are able. In the future, those that you cant, you will have to work through them with him.
Continue to show him compassion, patience, understanding. But take care of you, too.
This all took a long time. It is going to take a long time to sort through it all.
So, stay the course. Remember that you matter, too. Figure out together what you need.
