Small pleasures in life. I lay here watching my troubled bride sleep soundly beside me in the bed we have shared for almost 18 years. She looks so peaceful. No matter how short circuited her thinking me be at times during this nightmare, it's moments like this that I am reminded why I love her so much. She has a beautiful soul that has been scarred along her life journey. Those scars must be healed so that she can become the person she was meant to be.
My job as the man that she chose to allow into her life is to let her walk this path and find the strength to heal. I cannot heal those scars for her, this I accept. I can keep her safe and keep her children safe while she walks this road. In making this monumental choice to stand, to forgive, to understand, I will find my true self.
As painful as the last 6 months of my life have been, the growth I have experienced is real and lasting. I stand because I believe in myself and I believe in my beautiful wife. She will come out of this fog. When she makes it out if the tunnel, I'll be here where I belong. I'll be a strong father for 2 boys. I'll be the man that held the house together. I'll be the man that chose to stand. Not because I'm better. Not because I'm superior. But because I can humble myself and understand my own journey. When she comes out of the tunnel, maybe she will want me, maybe she won't. That's not in my hands. The only thing I can do is chose my road and walk it with determination and my head held high knowing that it was my choice.
Truest thing I can say right now:
I Love this woman more than she can ever understand. This is my story. I know it is not unique.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
JF, that was so beautiful it almost made me cry, almost...I think my tear well has dried up again after my weekend, lol. It did tug at my heartstrings.
I hope your wife can realize some day how d@mn lucky she to have you. She has given you a gift, a gift of helping you find your way as well. I can only hope that my H will awake to feeling this way about me someday again.
Like you said, maybe they will and maybe they won't, but we will know that we have come out of this so much better and deeper of a person.
That was so inspring of you to realize that even though she is not treating you well right now, you can still see her as beautiful and loving and that you still believe in her. That is all most of us want, someone to believe in us no matter what we go through.
Hang in there, I believe your journey will end up peaceful and loving.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I have always enjoyed reading Robert Frost's poems and this is one of my favorites.
I agree w/Pudmuddle, I do hope and pray that some day your wife will come to realize what a wonderful man you are and just how lucky she's been to have you in her life.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My job as the man that she chose to allow into her life is to let her walk this path and find the strength to heal. I cannot heal those scars for her, this I accept. I can keep her safe and keep her children safe while she walks this road. In making this monumental choice to stand, to forgive, to understand, I will find my true self.
As painful as the last 6 months of my life have been, the growth I have experienced is real and lasting. I stand because I believe in myself and I believe in my beautiful wife. She will come out of this fog. When she makes it out if the tunnel, I'll be here where I belong. I'll be a strong father for 2 boys. I'll be the man that held the house together. I'll be the man that chose to stand. Not because I'm better. Not because I'm superior. But because I can humble myself and understand my own journey. When she comes out of the tunnel, maybe she will want me, maybe she won't. That's not in my hands. The only thing I can do is chose my road and walk it with determination and my head held high knowing that it was my choice.
That's a hard road to walk, my friend. But one that is well worth it.
Let us know if you have some trouble with that later and we'll help you stand. Your kids are very lucky as well.
Did you run this past weekend? There were several in this area. I chose a 5k that included chocolate along the way. Chilly but fun... Keep the exercise routine going, J. And remember to stretch to avoid injury
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
W came home tonight after we split up pickup duties for both the boys and decided to go to our basement dungeon to work out. She hasn't been down there since August. Said her weight was fine and hasn't changed, but her belly was getting flabby. I hope we aren't looking at a repeat of the cycle. If so, I'll need to buckle up and hold on.
On the me front, I took a mental health day. I have all week off and did absolutely nothing today. Played some video games, watched some Netflix, and not much else. Nice to have a day off from everything.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Your post this morning was so sweet Jfun. I agree with the others above, I sure hope your W comes out of the tunnel and can see what a lucky lady she is to have a romantic like you in her life.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Such a lovely post earlier jfun. Good for you mental health days are gooooooood! Hope your W wakes up soon
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Have a great day!