Thank you very much for your responses. Accuray, you have once again given me some great information.
Originally Posted By: SM34
Oh and also by caring less, it will be obvious to her. Then what happens is she begins to lose control of the situation and control is very important to a WAS.
Your relationship will go through a correction phase where she begins to see that you are putting youself first and begins to respect you more for it. It levelizes and equalizes the balance of power in the relationship and its destiny. You now have just as much if not more control over whether the marriage ends at this point, than she does (right now she has final say and full control)...
With equal power and equal control, the relationship becomes more normal, more of a relationship between two equals intead of how it is right now with her trying to decide the future of your marriage and you waiting and holding your breath and putting her on a pedestal.
You have heard of the WAS only having second thoughs when the LBS moves on right? Same concept. Its what happens naturally as your level of caring lowers to the sam level as hers.
This right here...
Right now she really has no respect for me, it's totally true. Obviously by her actions, but I can tell by how she looks at me. This is what i need to get back, I need to work on myself, become confident again and hopefuly with a newfound confidence she will want to respect me.
So an update from this weekend.
Friday night I had a lot of time to myself, which was good. (W and D went to a basketball game and then stayed the night with her girlfriend and her son) This gave me some time to get further into DR, and then I relaxed, took some time for me, and stopped thinking about the situation.
Saturday morning, W and D came home. I said my hello's and then went to the gym. About an hour later W called and asked if i wanted to meet them and go tanning. I met them , went tanning, and then watched D while W went. We had lunch and headed for home.
I had plans to go over to my friends house on saturday night (we were all going out to the bar), so when i got home, i took a shower, and got really dressed up and was looking good. W made a comment on my new clothes and how fit i looked (i've dropped 30 pounds.. working on that six pack). I'm pretty sure i caught her attention.
So everything was going really well, went out with friends, went to the cigar bar, then went out and had some drinks. I only called W one time so that i could tell my D good night.
Well, do you know what happens when you lose 30 pounds and drink like you still had those 30 pounds? I feel like I didn't drink that much, but i got completely hammered. I ended up telling one of my friends my whole situation, and then proceeded to pray to the porcelain god all night. During this time of weakness I called my wife and told her that i needed her help and to come and get me. She called my friend to make sure that I was ok, and he said that he was taking care of me. They then talked about our situation for about 20 minutes.
When I woke up in the morning of course I did not remember most of what happened. I drove home, and went back to bed. My W actually let me cuddle with her, which was wierd, I don't know if she felt bad that i was sick, or if she was having a moment of weakness herself (easy to speculate)
When we woke up she started talking to me about the relationship. I just laid there and listened to what she had to say. She said that she doesnt want either of us to struggle. And that moving out would put us both in financial hardship. She asked if it was ok if she "lived downstairs" for a while.
Obviously not the best situation, but I was happy that she had enough clarity, or thought about our financials to come to this agreement. She said she wanted to "take this one day at a time". I validated like a boss. and the rest of the day was pleasant. I had no expectations, and we were able to just be pleasant, and be around without that huge uncomfortable aura.
I know nothing has really changed, and i'm not getting my hopes up. But I do want to give her credit for wanting her space, and time to herself, but at the same time still cares enough about the family not to put us into financial ruin.
I'm feeling positive today. continuing to learn how to fake it until I make it.
