Pudmuddle and Tiger, The reason that your men never told you how they truly felt when you did something such as forget a birthday card, or told them about their aggressive driving, etc. is because they were taught at very early age not to say anything, i.e., STFU and accept their lot. They were told or were too scared to voice their hurt for fear of punishment in many cases. Those stuffed feelings come to light at crisis time and yes, everything we did or said that may have been in their craw for a long time comes to light, even the silly things. BTW, many of the incidents they bring up you most likely have forgotten about because it happened so long ago. It's all part of the journey and they always hurt/lash out at the ones they love the most.
Both of you are doing well. Continue as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
