Raine, I would like to say that what you are experiencing/feeling is absolutely normal. You fought so hard to get to this point and now that you are so close to the end of his crisis, you are revisiting all of the hurt, pain, shock, disillusionment that happened throughout his/your journey. I do think that what has happened, if I am interpreting you postings correctly, is that he's been telling you about things and I get the sense that he really not shown a lot of remorse or guilt about it. In other words, he's ready to move on, sweep it under the carpet, so to speak. Raine, at some point, you are going to have to sit down and have a very serious heart to heart chat w/him and tell him what his behavior has done to you. That conversation will come in time, most likely in the next couple of months.
Reconciling is a very, very difficult job because of the betrayal and the destruction he created along the way. He has waltzed back in and quite frankly, he needs to do a whole lot of honest, hard work to gain back your trust and prove to you that you and only you are the one for him and that he's there for the long haul. If he can't do that, then you will be the one to determine the outcome of your situation.
The unpacking of the bags is very telling. Because he still hasn't unpacked them completely, that tells me he is still unsure of whether he's staying or not. He's waiting to see how things work out and if you can forgive him and yes, go on w/your lives together. Once those bags are completely unpacked and things put away, then you will know he's there to stay.
Raine, I walked the walk w/DebM when her husband made his way home. I because good friends and an ally with her along her journey off line. There is so much more to her story of reconciliation that was not shared on this Forum. I do want you to know that your situation is very similar to hers. It took her about a year before she felt comfortable enough to open her heart and trust her h once again. Her h worked very hard to gain her trust and love back, but it took a while. I will share this...your h is still very fragile and he's going to be looking for signs of disappointment, etc. from you. There may be times when you say or do something and he will question you about if you want him to leave...you will have to determine if you do. Deb would tell her h no, that whatever was going on had to be said and she would ensure that when she spoke to him she made eye contact and spoke in a very calm, even tone. It takes approximately 12-18 months for these MLCers to finally feel comfortable in their own skin once they return home. During that time, you are going to experience the trauma all over again in flashbacks, etc. This is very normal because you are getting close to ending your journey as well.
Raine, ultimately, at the end of the crisis, you are the one that holds the key to whether he stays or goes. If you have any questions along the way, I will be happy to share what I learned when walking that path w/DebM. It's not easy and to me, this is the hardest part of the journey...the final settling down. It takes a whole lot of patience to get through it. The early parts of the journey are truly a piece of cake compared to this final settling.
Raine, as Bea pointed out, please continue to post here. You need somewhere to vent and we are here for you. Raine, never think that we would give you a 2 x 4 at this juncture...you've come so far and we all want to see you happy no matter what you decide to do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
