I agree busting. Stay put with all the feelings and they will sort themselves. I do worry about the instability where you live though....I know you have the resources to get out, if necessary though.
I too feel sad for h. really he is the one losing out on what is real and genuine. The joy and love of his kids. All for what?
Thanks for sharing where you live. Ive been following your posts(out timeline is similar) and was curious too!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Kp, willbewell and pud, thanks for your thoughts. The struggles and challenges are so eearily similar with so many of us. I read on someone else's thread that if one was simply an observer - it would be fascinating to watch. Although I suppose the more we detach , the more we can observe.
Not comfortable with the niceness - I didn't realise how distrusting I had become of him until he started being nice.
The mood swings freak me out too. Like tonight he is planing to go out and he is almost 'giddy' ... He is making the arrangements in front of me and it seems quite innocent...it just unnerves me. It would be normal under 'normal' circumstances ...however nothing about this is normal!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think what I am most anxious is about is the time H has been away from the kids and doesn't seem to mind. He has been in town now for just over a week and has another week left before he leaves again. He has never expressed to me any remorse or regret for missing out on their lives.
He does send me texts sometimes saying 'please tell the kids I miss them' ... After a few years of this the words don't mean much to the kids or me to be quite honest.
H has missed D6 bday for three years and her school productions for three years as well. Last year his reason was work and he could not change it. It came out eventually that he went to see OW. I called him on it. He didn't deny it - but didn't seem to regret it either.
This year he said he was going to miss it again. I am in a much different and better place this year. So I said something. I said just think about it... You have the choice is in your hand. I know you value the kids, these are moments that are not going to come back. When D6 looks out in the audience and sees you that will stay with her forever... Just like if she looks out in the audience and doesn't see you again.
Anyway- he is now talking about coming back for the performance. I really hope he does.
Last night I was a little uneasy at kids' bedtime. When H is in town bedtime becomes a lot more 'fun' than just with me! I was mndreading tha H doesn't care about bedtime and the routines we have created.. That we are in som sort of competition.
Surprisingly he asked me why I seemed so uneasy. So I told him that I have for a very long time (since before BD) felt that he thought I was too strict and not fun and I always had to be the disciplinariAn etc.
He looked at me shocked and said I never knew you felt like that. He said the kids are exactly the way I could have imagined them to be. I am with you and don't feel that way. He is very happy with how I have raised th kids so far. That was nice to hear. I said there are things he does that I don't do and he said they compliment each other and when he is around, it works forthe kids.
He said I'm not trying to exclude you ... and I don't feel excluded when I am away. I know I miss out on a lot of fun stuff but I don't feel excluded.
He then said is that all? I said yeah, and thank you for the chat. That was nice to hear. Then he said huh, what else? I said nothing that's all that was on my mind. Thank you again. Then he stayed and had a drink and left.
Just getting my thoughts out tonight...
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I wasn't looking for his validation at all. I really thought we were working against each other regarding the kids. Just goes to show how not talking, mind reading and assumptions can break things... All of which I was very guilty of in the past.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
bustingout, An interesting conversation and one that did show that we can assume things that aren't really going on. I do hope he returns for the performance. It means a lot to children when their parents put forth the effort to attend the functions that interest the children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job. You are so kind and calming. I really hope he comes back for the performance too.
My kids' birthdays are in august and this last August he missed D6s again ( OW trip) and came for S9s bday a week later. S9 was so conflicted because he was so happy that H came but felt so bad for D6 because she was so hurt he missed hers. ' Yuck' is what MLC does. Here's to hoping with no expectations.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
my h has a different bedtime routine with D. it is different than mine, but equally special. I am glad for that.
I hope he makes the performance. regardless, you will be. To watch your child at this age doing performances is a gift! relish that joy. If your h doesn't make it, it is really his loss!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
