Small pleasures in life. I lay here watching my troubled bride sleep soundly beside me in the bed we have shared for almost 18 years. She looks so peaceful. No matter how short circuited her thinking me be at times during this nightmare, it's moments like this that I am reminded why I love her so much. She has a beautiful soul that has been scarred along her life journey. Those scars must be healed so that she can become the person she was meant to be.
My job as the man that she chose to allow into her life is to let her walk this path and find the strength to heal. I cannot heal those scars for her, this I accept. I can keep her safe and keep her children safe while she walks this road. In making this monumental choice to stand, to forgive, to understand, I will find my true self.
As painful as the last 6 months of my life have been, the growth I have experienced is real and lasting. I stand because I believe in myself and I believe in my beautiful wife. She will come out of this fog. When she makes it out if the tunnel, I'll be here where I belong. I'll be a strong father for 2 boys. I'll be the man that held the house together. I'll be the man that chose to stand. Not because I'm better. Not because I'm superior. But because I can humble myself and understand my own journey. When she comes out of the tunnel, maybe she will want me, maybe she won't. That's not in my hands. The only thing I can do is chose my road and walk it with determination and my head held high knowing that it was my choice.
Truest thing I can say right now:
I Love this woman more than she can ever understand. This is my story. I know it is not unique.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
