Flyonthewall- I woke up to your post and it was very appropriate asI was laying in bed feeling like I was drowning. Thank you for putting things into perspective.
Although I am sorry that any of us here have to be here, it really does help to hear stories and insights from people going through similar things as well as people who are proof of making it through alive.
I feel very isolated where we live as all family and friends are hundreds of miles away. This board makes me feel a little less alone.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
My H had stopped drinking before we S, I was still operating in a codependent way. AlAnon rally has nothing to do with whether your S or other friends and family are drinking, it's all about YOU and how you're handling life. There was also a lot of drinking and alcoholic behavior in extended family.
So this really is all about you, and what you need. Do you want to continue in this chaos? You have to take the first step for you and your kids.
YOu probably don't even remember what normal is or feels like so you don't see how crazy things have gotten. it's not you.
Lots of people, mostly women are afraid to go because they don't want their H, BF, whatever to find out. You're not alone in that. There are son great online groups, much like this one. Search them out. Also the AlAnon website had some great info.
I am moving through stages of grief pretty quickly today although I know it is not a linear process and I may wake up tomorrow back in the gutter again.
Today I was mad. Mad at H. Mad at whole sitch. Really mad that on top of everything H is taking away my good memories by rewriting our life. Mad that he is sitting outside in the freezing car rather than watch tv in house with me.
At the same time I am resigned to fact that my M is over. I still hold out hope we can start something better but I know that if that does happen it won't be anytime soon.
I am very torn now about H staying in house. A few days ago I felt it would be the only way we could ever reconnect but now I really want a break from him.
Ideally we can work out a in house separation plan. We really can't afford 2 places and I don't want s to be disrupted. He has some pretty severe anxiety as it is without being shuffled around.
Made it through 1 day without pursuing, clinging, attempting R talk. Going for #2 tomorrow
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Ughh that lasted 5 min. Yesterday I suggested he officially move to play room rather than sleeping on spare bed in S's room. I suggested just now he take the padding of that bed so he would be more comfortable. Apparently that was controlling.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Ok tthat sounded snippy but I should take it as a learning moment. There was probably a better way to present it rather than "you could. .." he views that as me giving permission. I could have said it a different way such as "that bed has a more comfortable cushion if you feel like switching. " IDK if that is any better.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Ok tthat sounded snippy but I should take it as a learning moment. There was probably a better way to present it rather than "you could. .." he views that as me giving permission. I could have said it a different way such as "that bed has a more comfortable cushion if you feel like switching. " IDK if that is any better.
Did he say it was controlling?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Practice saying OK or as you'll sometimes hear around here, open a big can of STFU.
Don't mother.
Again, Codependent No More.
I know how hard this is. For whatever reason, in our M, H acted like he was either incapable or chose not to be responsible for things so I constantly did things for him, reminded him of everything, made him lists, made suggestions, etc. Since BD I have STFU about *everything.* I have to say, it is not easy, but I have done a great job with it. (patting self on back.) And guess what? It turns out he CAN do things himself!
Who knew?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
So last 2 days have been all about business. Yesterday morning H walked right past me abd left without saying goodbye. I planned on a NC day since I wasn't going to be home from work till late. Ended up having to call him to figure out who was going to be with S during winter break. He may have to go stay with MIL for few days and she wanted to finalize plans. H said he couldn't help but then called back and said he would see what he could do.
Planning a Thanksgiving/Hanukkah for just me and S. No idea where H will be. Want it to be fun for s. Already feeling sad about New Years. H and I had a really nice time last year and this year I will be alone as all friends and fam are to far to visit with only 1 day off work.
Still having a hard time wrapping my head around this. A few months ago H is calling and texting mid day to tell me he loves me and misses me and "now I am just somebody that he used to know. " someone he won't even say good morning to. How does that happen?
Been looking into classes to take as a way to meet people. Most start in Jan but that's okay because work will be busy in December. Also found an Alanon meeting that I can go to the week after Thanksgiving.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
