I am moving through stages of grief pretty quickly today although I know it is not a linear process and I may wake up tomorrow back in the gutter again.

Today I was mad. Mad at H. Mad at whole sitch. Really mad that on top of everything H is taking away my good memories by rewriting our life. Mad that he is sitting outside in the freezing car rather than watch tv in house with me.

At the same time I am resigned to fact that my M is over. I still hold out hope we can start something better but I know that if that does happen it won't be anytime soon.

I am very torn now about H staying in house. A few days ago I felt it would be the only way we could ever reconnect but now I really want a break from him.

Ideally we can work out a in house separation plan. We really can't afford 2 places and I don't want s to be disrupted. He has some pretty severe anxiety as it is without being shuffled around.

Made it through 1 day without pursuing, clinging, attempting R talk. Going for #2 tomorrow

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15