The Big Hill

[Pudmuddle]

No this is not the first time we have talked about these affairs. We have talked about this same thing, because he has never forgiven me completely. And he admits this. He still looks at it as all my fault, when it was both of us doing the wrong thing. He also says he has not forgiven himself either. And the fact that we both and agreed last time that we would never do this, yet here he is doing it again. I think men might have a harder time forgiving for this type of thing as it is a blow to their male pride.

I only bring up the depression because he has never understood the disease and he wasn't there for me when I was going through it. I don't use it as an excuse, I just want him to understand that I was so down, in fact, depths of hell that I couldn't function as a human being and I never meant for him to think I hated him for that. He then chose to use it as an excuse to run away and to the arms of someone else, instead of choosing to help US deal with it, like I have helped him deal with past life events. It's a fine line I suppose, too.