Hoping for Reconciliation after being Separated...

[chasingpavements]

Kind of backslid on the weekend and now I feel kind of bad. We had a big fight on Friday where we both ended up saying things that we didn't mean and it got ugly. We don't argue that often, so that is probably why when we do it gets awful. We started accusing each other of things. It started with me asking him to take the kids for an hour on Sunday since I would like some relief around the house with the children. He gave me a hard time and I got angry. Then I started saying that I have the burden on me right now, at which point he vehemently disagreed saying that he has been helping a lot and has been supporting our house financially.

I understand that we both are dealing with difficult times. I do feel like I have more of a burden on me right now, and that also it is not great for him to be staying at his brothers. I just end up dealing with the everyday things that he doesn't deal with, like shovelling 2 feet of snow from our driveway this morning! I shouldn't have been so accusatory at him though. I was feeling emotional and we shouldn't have been arguing when we were both tired.

Then he started talking to me in this awful, accusatory tone. I told him I didn't like his tone and didn't want to speak to him when he was using that tone. He then got so angry that I asked him not to talk in a particular tone, that he was just trying to prove a point, and speak his mind. He got mad that I wasn't letting him say what he wanted. I told him we could talk later when we were cooled down, that I didn't like to be spoken to in that way, it felt condescending or like he was talking down to me. I told him it felt awful for me to hear him talking to me that way and my feelings didn't matter to him him. I told him that my feelings of being hurt that way were more important than him proving a point. He got pretty livid. And I got angry that he would wish to speak to me in that way and that it didn't matter to him that it hurt/bothered me. I was SO angry!

I ended up saying that I was sorry for saying some things I didn't mean, and that he HAS been helping so much and I appreciate it. We both agreed that we were tired and shouldn't have been arguing. I suggested that next time we talk in the morning, as we are MUCH calmer in the morning than in the evening.