Quote: H has been in a "mood" today, trying to push buttons ... Yesterday wasn’t a bad day, there were those moments. But for the most part it was a good day, I'm getting better at detaching from H's drama. It is trying on my patience at times, where I just want to scream or shout back, but I'm seeing how it works TO detach and feeling better about it. That it's working will keep me on the course. Someone suggested a "biting the tongue" technique that I might need to try on some days or the screaming in the car technique to blow off steam ... When he’s button pushing and doesn’t get the response he’s hoping for, me reacting back, his voice takes on a tone of defeat. He doesn’t admit defeat, it’s just the tone of it.
I'm wondering whenever he start his button-pushing, if a blanket response like: "I feel like you're trying to help me out by pointing out what you believe is wrong, but I would really appreciate your help more, if you would suggest solutions on how it can be better?"
That kind of response might help get him to think about ways to break the cycle and try to approach you differently.
Quote: My H’s mind is hunting/fishing focused and maybe this IS his way of dealing with his life problems. I do remember suggesting counseling and H responded no I’ll just hunt and fish. I see it more of an addiction or compulsiveness with spending money on hunting. This is an addiction and escape for my H. I wouldn’t mind it so much but each year he spends more and more $$ on his trips.
I can understand where your H is coming from on this. When I was trouble about my personal life a few years back, I tend to spend more time in the solitude of the outdoors with no one around.
Don't fret that you are having thoughts about OW. Its gonna happen and I like how you put it that it just goes right thru from one side and out the other. That's exactly the right thing to do! What doesn't work, is allowing those thoughts to get stuck in the middle.
Quote: H likes to get on me about my parenting skills.
That may be for now, but the more H sees you tend to S4 like you have done during this bout of flu, the less he will jab you on your parenting and the more he will see you as a mother full of TLC.
That's exactly the right thing to do! 
What doesn't work, is allowing those thoughts to get stuck in the middle. 