S4 is getting over the flu. Supposedly this strain lasts quite awhile and has taken it’s toll on S4’s body. S is getting better, is being very demanding, but then always has been. He’s temporarily forgotten the word please. Just got back from the doctor, he threw up so much that he ruptured some blood vessels in his eyes!
Things have been good with H. A lot of our focus has been on S this week. I’ve been home and H does call home a lot. I’ve been taking care of some of his hunting business, i.e., requesting applications from Colorado, Montana and New Mexico. H is kind of like my boss, wants things done right away. Even though there really isn’t any hurry.
H does spend a lot of his time researching the net for places to hunt in Canada. My H’s mind is hunting/fishing focused and maybe this IS his way of dealing with his life problems. I do remember suggesting counseling and H responded no I’ll just hunt and fish. I see it more of an addiction or compulsiveness with spending money on hunting. This is an addiction and escape for my H. I wouldn’t mind it so much but each year he spends more and more $$ on his trips.
If H gets home later than usual from work, I do not question H on his whereabouts. I ASSume he’s just working late or might be stopping off to talk to OW. I have heard nothing about OW nor do I know if H is still talking with OW. I do know that he’s been sleeping here, in our bedroom in the lower level. Do I let him continue to sleep down there, is he waiting for an invitation from me to sleep up here again?
I do catch H a lot just standing and thinking. When I ask questions sometimes he doesn’t hear me or chooses to ignore me. There is no answer. I acknowledge him when he comes home from work and I’m here. I say goodnight to him at night..most times he doesn’t respond back.
When he’s button pushing and doesn’t get the response he’s hoping for, me reacting back, his voice takes on a tone of defeat. He doesn’t admit defeat, it’s just the tone of it. Maybe it’s that a lot of H’s anger is gone. We are relating to each other better. I am letting H see a side of me that he hasn’t before, also.
H likes to get on me about my parenting skills. The other night I was doing something for S, I don’t remember what it was. H said “not to do it” in a rather loud voice. I replied back “I know, you’re right, but it’s just that I feel so bad for our S. I wouldn’t have done this in the past, I would have just stood my ground, wanted to be right—the booby prize—and that would be all. Now I’m seeing it’s no so much about being right, because that’s all you get—to be right. There are times when H says stuff and in my mind I’m thinking you are so wrong, but not say anything, maybe it’s validating.
Not much else to report and I don't if that's good or bad.
I did ask H about his fast food issue with son. Well it was McD’s that he’s more against, KFC and Wendy’s are okay with him. Which is fine with me to. I’m just so McD brainwashed. So the issue wasn’t so much fast food like I ASSumed it was but McD’s.
