New to DB~~seeking insight

[Mimi00]

On youtube Michelle gives an example of "acting as if":
She went on a trip and had a great time.
Her H stayed home and had to deal w/ the kids and work.
She talked to him by phone and he sounded stressed so she didn't want to rub her great vacation in his face when he picked her up from the airport.
So she decided maybe it was best to not act excited when he picked her up.
Then she realized if she didn't act excited he may misinterpret her non-excitement as maybe she's not happy to see him even though she was...
So her final decision was to "act as if" she was happy (and she was) to see him and let him know how great her trip was.
His response to her happy attitude was being happy too....where as if she had been more somber out of fear he'd resent her for vacationing....his reaction probably wouldbt have been happy.

As far as your H not liking your acting like everything is normal....Its probably not very DB of me to say, but I think we all need to find a balance between "the rules" and real life. Acting completely solid a rock with hearts that aren't affected doesnt work for all situations....we are human. Yes we have to be strong and react positively.....but for everyone, that doesn't mean act as if everything is normal and nothing you WAS does affects you..... i think it means learn to respond instead of react.

So for example, if your spouse says or does something hurtful, don't smile and take it for the sake of DBing, but also dont break down and cry, nag or give them more of the same......instead say "boy that was hurtful"....then move on about your day. It lets your spouse know what they are doing isn't....but you also show your changes at the same time.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent...hope some of what I said makes sense and applies to your sitch. lol