WR, Your son is old enough to know and understand that your h doesn't need to know where you are at. I would ask him not to tell him the details of your life and what you are doing. If your h wants to know something, HE should be coming to you. This type of interrogation is putting your son in the middle of the "playing field".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I keep re-iterate that with S19 but I think he was worried about his brother and then I think H's questions threw him. He didn't say exactly why I was down here so I'm grateful for that. I'll have to remind him that any questions re my ware abouts to be directed to me
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
H messaged me back that he would like me to scan the photo form so he can order some.....so let me get this straight. I just told you I can't afford them and I've been very accommodating with everything he's requested and pay for EVERYTHING for his children and that's all he can say?? I know no expectations but crap he's a cold sob. I did text him back and say that when I pick them up I can give him one of he'd like but if he wanted more he would have to order them directly from the photographer.
When I picked up S19 from work we were chatting and I learned that H spend most nights, except for the odd night out at the pub with friends, at his place doing not much at all. It would seem his mom and sister do most of the cooking for him too....must be nice to have servants. Do they clean for him too?? Uggg.
I may be running ragged but at least I don't go home to an empty and lonely place to play on my tablet all night where my mom and sister do everything for me (mine help me but good God).....I just don't get it.....
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Still waiting for H's lawyer to get back to my layer about the financials I gave him.. ..wondering what is taking so long considering he hated me for taking so long to get them to him (he thought so but it did take time).
It's been almost a month
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, Sometimes it takes the lawyers time to review them and then get back to your lawyer. I do think your h was pushing this issue and using it as a control factor. Now that your financials in, your h has absolutely no excuse to whine about them.
I would take this time and enjoy life and breathe a bit more slowly.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank yo up job! H texted me again ago the photos today, three days in a row, wow. Me chatty pants this week!
Was messaging with my friend, the one that can still talk to h once in a while, and she asked me if I knew about her brother and his wife? My stomach sunk. I said no.....she left him about a month ago. She couldn't take it anymore and I guess was refusing to work on their marriage and slept on the couch so he kicked her out. About a week later she came home and moved into their youngest daughter's room but still refusing to work on them.
Here's a bit of odd history.
H and this man (G) were best friends when H lived on the shore. When H's parents moved away H pretty much lived out of G's car and was able to stay on the shore. G started dating T. Dated for a couple of years at this point. T broke up with G to date H. They dated for about 8-10 months and broke up. H and G grew apart during this time, obviously, and that's when H and I met at work. T didn't believe I existed because my name is unusual but when she realized I was real started dating G again. Got pregnant, on purpose, lost the baby. I got pregnant, not on purpose, had S19 and she ended up getting pregnant again and their oldest is 6-8 mons younger than mine. H is still friends and we go out all together once in a while, boxing days together. That kinda thing. Eventually drifted apart until H left me and now he's friends with G again. Now T leaves and H tries to advise G on how to save his marriage. REALLY?!?!! G's sister and I were chatting and she tried saying to me it was different and I asked How???? She left him h left me. Neither one wants to work on the marriage. G doesn't want this I don't want this. How on earth can None of them see what is going on here??
Side note to the side note. When H came to see me and S19 in hospital, a few hours after he was born, it was G who came with him for moral support (because H had left me when I got pregnant so this was the first real interaction since the break up)
What a mess!!!!
Job it would seem that the last time H talked to G's sister he said to it's still moving too slow for him and that there's still no OW No interest in women.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, Some MLCers don't hook up w/OW/OM. Some are content to live a lonely life and stare at four walls. Now, I will share this w/you...my xh told his family the same that you h is telling his family about no ow or interest in seeking one out. However, my xh was having some type of relationship w/his ow (deceased wife) for about a year or so before he ran. So, take that be info and treat it w/a grain of salt.
Your h is reconnecting w/G because G is pretty much single again and MLCers will gravitate towards separated and/or divorced people. "Birds of a feather, flock together" as they say. Oh, yes, they do love to provide advice on what to do when it comes to divorce and separation of others going through it. Like they have a clue. LOL!
Of course it's moving slow...the process takes time and he thinks because he snaps his fingers it should be over done with. Too bad, butter cup...divorce is not like elopement. It takes time and there are a lot of variables that need to be considered. He's going to find that life didn't turn out the way he planned or thought it should be now that he's on the street.
WR, you are doing great. Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Your h is reconnecting w/G because G is pretty much single again and MLCers will gravitate towards separated and/or divorced people. "Birds of a feather, flock together" as they say. Oh, yes, they do love to provide advice on what to do when it comes to divorce and separation of others going through it. Like they have a clue. LOL!
Yep, I thought this was odd at first as well. My ex has/does? did the same. Advice about how to live, how to divorce, etc. I wondered about that as it seemed odd that somebody that can't figure out their own stuff, is giving advice. Go figure right? Eventually, it occurred to me that this may be a way of figuring things out. By "helping" somebody else, they work on their own issues in a "safe" way. Much like a psychologist in many instances (ever met one socially? Yikes in many (not all) cases.
I suspected at the time that was a lot of the "reason" for giving advice. To work their own problems through others.
Ironic in some ways.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Oh Job, thank you, I definitely don't feel like I'm doing great, feel like I'm drowning. I guess birds of a feather.....I think it's awfully odd that he counsels G on how to save his marriage. Yeah, ok!!!!!
AJM that's a good point "figuring out their own stuff". Actually, funny story, a girlfriend of mine knew of a lady at her work who's h had mlc with PA and proceeded with d and everything. His friend also considering leaving his wife for PA and he counselled him on not doing it "why would you want to start all over?" And the light switched back on for him and he realized he was talking about his own stitch and broke up with OW and ended up back with w. Odd story I know but this was their story.
Anyway, I think, with all this texting I'm feeling lonely for him again. Just talked to my cousin, who's been through a D, and she's worried he may not be ordered to back pay child support as there's no order in place, the document he filed with the courts may not be enough to force it or the judge won't care, I'm so frustrated right now!!!!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, try not to guess what the judge will or won't do. As has recently been posted in GolfMom's story, check into the laws in your area. Find out what is and is not valid. I think you'll find that the courts can work to your favor quite readily. They deal with this kind of stuff frequently. You may be surprised what they will do.
That is an interesting story. I've seen similar many times. I think many have that lightbuld moment, but just aren't ready to face what they've done. Often the LBS isn't either
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
