Good Morning,

I'm off today, S is still sick. Funny I was scheduled to have today off, but my boss decided we had too much going on and could I please reconsider taking today off. I agreed to come into work. My boss does this all the time to me, yet she comes and goes and she pleases. In fact, she's out of town today and tomorrow, she's golfing , it's supposedly work related, but with her you never know. She's a control freak, micro-manager and obsessive about the neatness of her world, we at work refer to her as "Monica!" I have detached from her drama, also.

S’s little face is gaunt; his eyes were sunk into his face yesterday with dark circles. He's feeling a little better today. S has never been this sick and to be honest I like the energetic, spirited, and sassy little boy! I am so thankful he is a healthy little boy.

Last night H wanted to know if he should sleep upstairs with us. S was going to sleep with me. I said you could if you want to but keep in mind S is going to be moving all over. I then thought about it and suggested H sleep with S and I sleep in S’s bed, but H ended up sleeping down stairs. Not too long after H went to bed he was back upstairs to see if he had heard footsteps. I said no we hadn’t got up. I think H felt left out the night before and didn’t want to miss something.

I provided the major care to our S yesterday. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed not focusing on me, I enjoyed keeping myself busy and making sure my S was as comfortable as possible. I like being needed, “doing” for those close to me.

Now my H isn't 4, but there are similarities between my two boys. Sometimes they don't want to be touched or hugged. They are demanding...can you get me some ketchup, can you get me that, etc, etc., etc. The little things they both do that irritate me--mess up my hair!. It’s interesting how much more attention I’m paying to my H and his world, the way he acts, the different personalities. And H does have different personalities! They have been there for years. It’s like I’m seeing them all for the first time. I must admit I AM seeing the mature personality a lot more in these last few months.

Yesterday wasn’t a bad day, there were those moments. But for the most part it was a good day, I'm getting better at detaching from H's drama. It is trying on my patience at times, where I just want to scream or shout back, but I'm seeing how it works TO detach and feeling better about it. That it's working will keep me on the course. Someone suggested a "biting the tongue" technique that I might need to try on some days or the screaming in the car technique to blow off steam.

I was out running a few errands, H had been out earlier and picked up an item that he wanted returned because he bought the wrong one. I said I could pick up the right item. Well I left and forgot the item, but figured I’d call H when I got to the store. So H calls me and says why did you forget these, how are you going to know what to get. I told him I was going to call him when I got to the store. (me in my mind: that’s what cell phones are for after all ) H said “They need to be returned!” I calmly said I know, I can do that another day. They only cost $3 and it was kind of ridiculous that he was insistent that they be returned TODAY! So he calmed down and gave me the item numbers and I bought them. Go figure!

Cathy