I met with my attorney today and layed out all the facts, family codes and documented proof. The two weeks I spent studying the law and collecting documents was worth it. She confirmed that I have a very strong case against xh and she will seek attorney's fees, sanctions and damages. In addition, the documents I have show that I should not be liable for a big part of xh's debt and maybe not any of it. Through his shenanigans he has eaten up any equity interest he may have in the house, destroyed his relationship with his kids, is ordered to pay me more than half of his salary and will likely owe me court-ordered fees and sanctions. He has lost everything for what? As for his gf, she may lose big too. If he can't pay me I can seek to have their house sold. Because of the way they hold title her share is not protected. Karma....
MLC or not, xh and his attorney knew what they were doing. They were deceitful and intentially did things that were intended to harm me. For anyone who thinks their WAS can get away with some of the things they are doing - they probably can't, but you are going to have to be proactive and help yourself. Do not assume that your attorney knows it all. I had to recite a very important code to mine today.
I'm starting to feel afraid. I had a panic attack at work over concerns that xh could hurt me. The action that my attorney will take against him is very serious. Xh is looking for a windfall of money. When he realizes that he won't get that from my house, but will actually need to pay me he's going to be desperate.
I rediscovered a number of emails from xh that were threatening. Yesterday I turned the handle to my garage door that leads to a side yard and the whole thing came apart in my hand. The handle and lock completely fell off both sides of the door. My son looked at it and all the parts were fine, no stripped screws. He was able to put it back together. So, did it come loose on it's own or did someone unscrew it with the intent of entering my home. Maybe I sound paranoid, but I don't know xh anymore and have no idea what he's capable of or who he associates with.
GM I think Snodderly has advised a number of us here to be careful - honestly it is better to be safe than sorry. Can you put a video camera on the outside of your house? I don't think they are expensive.
I would also record your fears, and maybe discuss them with your attorney?
I am so sorry, because frankly if my xh lived closer I would be worried too.
Bea, thank you for responding. I will email my attorney and look into the camera installation.
Xh is deep into his addiction and I believe that his gf is enabling him and is likely a gambler herself. The two of them have created a house of cards, literally, that is going to come crashing down. Addicted people do all kinds of things out of desperation. They need to survive and feed their addiction at all costs.
The boys and I are off to church. Other than being with my Dad, it's the only place where I feel safe and a sense of peace.
golf mom, Talk to a security company about your situation and have some cameras installed. You can also purchase them online and have your son install them, but I would suggest that you not only put one outside, but put two inside the garage, one filming the front at the doors and if you have an entrance door from the garage one installed to film at that door.
As for the handle, it most likely didn't come loose. It's very easy to twist those handles until the unlock. Also, if they manage to twist them enough, they can actually use a screw driver to pry them more so to get in. My sister experienced this situation over the summer when someone got into her garage and stole her riding lawn mower while she was away on vacation. Those handles are only made to keep the honest people out. Also, do you have garage door openers installed? If not, consider getting them installed. He won't be able to raise the door if you have those and you can go one step further and cut the power to them if you are going to be gone for a length time.
Please, please be careful. Learn to be more vigilant. Check your car before you leave places that he knows you go. Walk around your home and see if things have been walked on near the windows. I don't want to alarm you, but I've had many things happen around my home and vehicle when my xh was nutty as a fruitcake. It's better to be cautious and know you are safe.
Also, get yourself some pepper spray and keep it handy. Also, take some time and take photos of the inside of your home and garage from all angles. That way if something should happen or things are taken, you have proof of what they items where that walked. Put these photos in a safe deposit box or leave them w/someone who will keep them safe.
I honestly don't trust your h right now. Please be careful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thank you so much for all of the suggestions. I will definitely be more vigilant. I can't believe that I have to worry about all of this, but I've worked in the criminal court for long enough to know that people will do absolutely anything to feed an addiction.
There was a reason that I rediscovered those emails out of the hundreds that I kept. The threats were real and were meant to force me into compliance. They show a very desperate person.
Xh was feeling flush for a while, but recently spewed at me in writing about his lack of money. I don't know how he can possibly feed his gambling based on what he wrote. Of course, it might all be a lie. He's done that quite a bit during these proceedings, wanting me to believe he was scraping by when he actually was under contract to buy a new home.
Xh is losing control of this situation, more than he knows. He's not ready to confront his behavior as the reason for his messed up life, so he will be extremely angry with me. I believe he will finally be held accountable for all that he's done to me and the boys.
I also want to point out that your h may involve others in this game of terror. My xh had people that he had been chatting w/on FB and co-workers call me all hours of the day and night. MLCers don't necessarily get their own hands dirty, but can illicit the help of others by whining that the LBs is a witch and taking him/her to the cleaners and of course, their friends think that they are helping the MLCer to reach their goal of getting what they want, i.e., the process moving along quicker, etc.
I'm not telling you this to scare you, but to help you see what some of these nut jobs do all in the name of MLC. Watch your back, pay closer to attention to your surroundings and begin looking around your house when you return home from being out for any length of time, especially if you are gone longer than a couple of hours. Also, advise your neighbors that you are having some vandalism issues and ask that they keep an eye out.
The more steps that you take to protect yourself and your home, the better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I worry about others thinking they are "helping" xh to right a wrong. After all, he fully believes that I am the reason he has less money than he thinks he should have and that his relationship with the boys is in turmoil. He also believes that he was unhappy and suicidal because of me. He doesn't see or admit any connection between his choices and his life and relationships. That's amazing to me.
I'm concerned about his gf. I have no idea what she looks like, so wouldn't know if she drove by my house. I've read enough stories here and other sites about A partners flipping out on the x spouse. Thankfully I live on a quiet cul-de-sac with neighbors who watch out for one another. One of them is an FBI agent and is always on the lookout. My neighbors know xh is not welcome here and would alert me if they saw him or anyone around my house.
