WORKING TOWARD CONNECTING WORKING ON ME

[Ambivalent]

. MLCers tend to forget that life does go on and they have this crazy thought that we should remain right where they left us pre-crisis.

This is something I get, if he wants to return, wifey is where he left her, all tucked in nicely in the nest.

In many instances, as long as you don't rock the boat, they will continue on their merry way and live life in a perfect fantasy. We are then stuck in limbo for months and even years wondering what is up w/them.

So this seems to be my H. for now...operative word "seems".

With ^^^^^'s what are usually the outcomes? Do they continue living with their head in the sand, are they guided, do they have epiphanies?

My husband's pattern has been to run or status quo.

For example: When dating , it was almost four years. I explained that I would not move into the townhome without being married first.

When I was preggers with the first child, he moved us back to the east coast and into his mother's home. If I didn't say something we could have been there much longer. It was almost nine months !

So if I don't "rock the boat" I could be here indefinitely? Or do I guide him along. Now according to MWD, this is about saving a marriage. And according to Hero's S. there are time tables for different actions.

What have you seen? Personally, I'm getting to the IDGAC stage, perhaps that's the dropping the rope. I'm tired of working working working and feeling these creepy crawly feelings.

I just want to get through the holidays and then go very dark. I think it will be better for me. Perhaps I'm just not cut out for this. I am so torn and yes AMBIVALENT.
I kind of need reassurances, and hope. That's why I'm having such difficulty reading all the negative stuff in this forum.

For someone in crisis, he seems just like himself. I keep reading how different they are or become. The only thing different is the leaving, and distancing. He isn't dressing radically, or doing dangerous things. I admit , he is acting out somewhat, but nothing like I've been reading.

I also wonder if due to his self awareness , he doesn't want to be obvious. Or throw his actions in my face, ie Viagra, seeing other people, fake piercing. At this point I'm starting not to care...

I haven't gotten to the " it's my turn "
stage yet. I'm just starting to cycle back to the anger. Probably because when he was done hunting , he didn't bother to let me know he wouldn't need the SUV.

It isn't a seething anger just an irritated. If a girlfriend did this I wouldn't be happy either. It comes across rude and being taken for granted.