My H had stopped drinking before we S, I was still operating in a codependent way. AlAnon rally has nothing to do with whether your S or other friends and family are drinking, it's all about YOU and how you're handling life. There was also a lot of drinking and alcoholic behavior in extended family.
So this really is all about you, and what you need. Do you want to continue in this chaos? You have to take the first step for you and your kids.
YOu probably don't even remember what normal is or feels like so you don't see how crazy things have gotten. it's not you.
Lots of people, mostly women are afraid to go because they don't want their H, BF, whatever to find out. You're not alone in that. There are son great online groups, much like this one. Search them out. Also the AlAnon website had some great info.
