Me 13 months on, affair finally confirmed.

[TryingToDo180]

All good news HWA You sound like you're in a better place now Enjoy your party

[hotwheelsaust]

Nearly there again TTD180. Just trying to accept, I have no control over what the W does, nor how the family acts or feels towards me.
The party will be a lot of fun.

[Wonka]

Hold your head up high, HWA. Get that awesome Aussie swagger back like Croc Dundee and own it!!

[TryingToDo180]

Well said Wonka

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks Wonka and TTD180.
Not much else I can do, apart from get the swagger back. Off to a "getting out of here" party tonight. Yay. Only 20 days to go.
24th Wedding anniversary on Monday, felt like writing a big letter about how much it still means to me and the memories. But the reality is, it won't do anything, won't mean anything (to the W) and will be an absolute waste of time and energy. Sad really, but the truth.
Coach session this Thursday, looking forward to that.
Bit more packing, but very limited to what I can do. We have packers come and do it all, so don't have any boxes etc earlier. It is all packed on the day.
So small stuff is being done, things that will go with me in the car, the little shelving plugs put into bags. Cables for electrical stuff bagged up. Important paperwork and books (DB and DR) in the car.
Still haven't received the important piece of paperwork from the W's solicitor. Nearly 3 weeks late. Haven't got the new valuations for the houses either yet, so doesn't matter.
No family or friend have replied or contacted me. So don't know if they know about the affair or not yet. Maybe it is still the Mum only. The ex best friend didn't reply to my text either.

[AnotherStander]

Sometimes it can be very therapeutic writing letters like that. I say write it and burn it or file it away somewhere. I wrote a big, long letter to W and kept it, I found it months later and thought "holy cow am I glad I never gave this to her" LOL! It's surprising how much our thoughts about things change over time. I think it happens so gradually that we don't realize it. Sometimes those letters help to remind us how much progress we've made.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree AS I wrote H a letter when he first left. I never gave it to him and when I read it back I thought what was I thinking! lol.

[BrightFuture]

HWS, you have something to look forward to! You have going to your home, you will have your sons and family, you will still have your job in the city. And there are a lot more things to do there!

As for your W affair, I think Wonka said that it is still in a puppy love stage. After reading your updates on this, I can’t help thinking that there is something strange about it. You said that your W never showed any signs of being interested in women. My thought were (after following your posts for some time) that this R is one of these were two women just bond on some issues (like being disappointed in men) and they do all things together, so it looks like they are a couple. But, in reality, they could be just very close friends. I remember when I was working on the project where I met my H, it was in a different town and we had to be there 3 weeks out of the months. I lived with my GF in the apartment rented by the company we worked for, and we did everything together, we travelled back home together, we had our children to visit us at the same time (her Mom brought them), we ate together, we were inseparable. I was divorced with my first XH at the time and went thought a break up with my BF. I was not interested in any men at that time, I was done with being in any R with the men. So, there were rumors on the project that I and my GF were lesbians. Ironically, this was the project where I met my current H. I’m telling all these to you because I’m not convinced that your W is in a real R with the woman. I might be very wrong here though. I don’t want to give you a false hope. Just give it some time, enjoy your life and the answers will come.

[TryingToDo180]

Interesting way of looking at it BF I agree with BF about your move HWA I partly agree with the bit about your w being in a r with an OW, for now it's more of a case of wait and see Hope you enjoyed your party, talk soon

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks BF for that view of the relationship. But there are some differences to what you went through. The amount of texting, phone calls and meet ups prior to BD. The flowers at valentines day. The OW coming down to the city for each school holiday. And the big one, the W trying to get her to transfer back to the city next year. Generally the W has demonstrated all the signs of an affair. Don't forget even the wedding ring was taken off at BD. I was reading a book on women's infidelity yesterday, and it was saying that in an affair women preen themselves up more, mostly it was about shaving legs etc more often, and that is why they tend to start wanting more privacy in the bathroom. I thought wow because as soon as BD was delivered the bathroom was always locked and I was never shown or saw the wife unless she was fully dressed.
In saying that, it won't hurt to put what you said in the old memory bank.
You are right about my move. It will make life so much more interesting and fun.


Today is my 24th wedding anniversary. The first time I have never done anything for it. Even last year after BD, I had a card ready to give (still have it) and a table booked for dinner. She said it would have been uncomfortable, so spent the day with the OW and came home around dinner time and did schoolwork. This year I haven't even bought a card, no text, no email, no present, no dinner booked and no phone calls.