Ambivalent, Yes, in a way you are being controlled by your h, i.e., no access to the accounts, given a set amount for living expenses, etc. I wouldn't like that either. MLCers tend to forget that life does go on and they have this crazy thought that we should remain right where they left us pre-crisis.
My thoughts on why some file sooner than others. Some file quicker because they are in a very dark place of anger and want to be done w/the marriage/relationship right away. Others talk about filing and will drag their feet until the we get tired of the BS and we file. Then there are some who are very mild mannered until we begin pushing for answers and that's when the divorce card is dropped as a defense mechanism to get us to back off. In many instances, as long as you don't rock the boat, they will continue on their merry way and live life in a perfect fantasy. We are then stuck in limbo for months and even years wondering what is up w/them.
They are operating purely on emotions and they aren't even thinking that we are the back up plan if something goes wrong w/their fantasy life. They aren't even thinking that their fantasy lives will fail. They have to do this and they have to do it right now, no matter what. Why? Because mortality is calling them and they feel very smothered being in our homes and relationships. They feel that this is something they have to do before they die. Yep, it's crazy...but I have a MLCing friend tell me about his thoughts on why he felt the urgency to go "stupid".
I know this isn't the life you want, but for now, you have to accept your h for who he is today because the man you married will be gone for quite some time until he's resolved his issues. For now, you have to figure out how you are going to deal w/the cards you've been dealt. It was very difficult for me to let my xh go and learn what life was all about...but I did it and I'm glad I did in so many ways. My life was a jumbled up mess after he left, but in time, I found my footing and I not only moved forward, but I moved onward as well. I was determined that I wasn't going to allow this man to destroy me emotionally and mentally, as well as financially and I succeeded in all three areas. But, Ambivalent, it takes time to get your footing. Right now, your focus has to be on you and your life. There's nothing you can do to fix him...only he can do that. YOU have the power to control your own destiny, whether he opts to return or not. Use your anger to help you move ahead.
There are many lessons to be learned along the MLC path and you will learn them, even if you are kicking and screaming while on your journey. I know...I did a lot of kicking and screaming on my journey until I detached and left my xh to his own fate.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
