"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Thank you all for the very encouraging posts!

MissA! So good to hear from you. And to think your boys are competent cooks! Even the 10-year old! You are doing a great job! I appreciate your suggestions. And I'll answer your question about my fears below.

It is ok for you think, ok, my marriage is on safer ground, my children are older, it's RH's time.

That is something that you want your children to see. It is something you want your h to see. He needs to know that he doesnt have to worry about you. He needs to know that he can have a life and you can have a life. And the great thing is, that you can share a life, too.

Find you, R. Figure out what fills you up. Find out how you can be your best self.

It is ok. It really is. Stop holding your breath. Let it out.

...But we only get this one life. Make it a great one.

uRW,

You hit the nail on the head with everything you wrote.
Yes, you were right on target.
I love what you said here.
It's okay to let go.
Okay to to know my M is on safer ground.
Okay to open up and bloom.
Me.

Ambiv,

How neat we are the same age! My birthday is in March.
My mom was younger as a parent -- 26 when she had me and I was the fourth child!
But she stayed at home, too.
It was a dream I always had, too, to stay at home.

And I did after my career.
And I loved it.
And never regretted a moment either.

But, with all due respect, Ambiv, I don't feel like what I was fed was a "crock".
I feel it just was the time.
And the society.

And now...it's up to us to make changes accordingly.
You have to make some changes b/c of your H's financial decisions. But it could open a new world up for you. It sounds like it is.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I feel renewed.

I think my fear of real estate is the same fear I had of my federal job when I was 30. I had passed the civil service exam and was waiting for a date for school. I knew the pass rate was only 50% and felt I had the brains to do the job but not the confidence. So I went to a C for a few sessions, solely for the purpose of gaining confidence. And I passed the school.

Now...I've been afraid too.

But the night I spent this week awake till 1:30 am thinking about who I am has helped a lot.

H talked to me today about his appointment he had with a retirement/financial planner this week. He wants to retire in 10 years. I felt privileged to be included as part of his plan! He can make it financially without me, but he said he thought I would enjoy real estate.

He said he thought I wasn't studying enough b/c I don't want to do it. It's about that guilt that the boys need me at home. Not moving on to my new stage in life. I can see ahead why empty-nesters would have such trouble.

I told him about changing my focus to my own life more. And encouraging the boys to be more self-sufficient.

Also, I haven't wanted to study the state law. It is 72 pages of law and I put it in iBooks and now am going through and making detailed notes. I think I can. I think I can....

I also asked H, matter-of-factly, to give me more verbal compliments. I said that I can see it on his face when he thinks I look good, but I want to hear it. He said he thought he did. I validated, yes you do, but I want to hear more.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now a clothes shopping story.

This summer I went clothes shopping at an upscale boutique. I went in and showed them my "colors" phone app and said I wanted clothes in only these certain colors and I was looking for these types of clothes.

45 minutes later, I couldn't find anything that looked good. The clincher was when the saleslady had me try on this outfit that made me look terrible. She said I looked so good in it! I said, look at me! At my face. It makes me look totally washed out!"

She looked at me and said, well you can pull your hair back, get different earrings, etc. I was thinking, this seems like a no-brainer to me. Why don't I just get something that looks good on me! SoI didn't buy anything.

Now, this week, I went to a nice department store. I said I would pick out my own stuff. I got a bunch of clothes and tried them on. I bought several that looked really nice on me. And that's when H looked at me when I got home and had that "you look great" look on his face!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tomorrow is the birthday party at drinking bud's house.

I'm really glad I decided to go. Yes Sexy Lady will be there and I don't know who else. I do know both H's drinking buds really like me. And as H talks about the party he says "we" (him and me) will get the cake, balloons, card, etc. It's obvious he is happy I am going.

And you know, in a M, you hafta do SOME stuff out of your comfort zone. These people mean a lot to my H and it isn't like these gatherings are as often as every month even. So..I'll let you know how it goes. I'm expecting it will be a lot of fun!