Hi 3, I love the 'I don't buy it' line. I may have to use that next time.
Your H is sensing that you are REALLY moving away this time. That's why the strange convo about a movie. He was trying to find something to talk to you about, anything so that he could see if you are 'still there'. Maybe just cut the convo short, saying I have to go to a meeting or I can't talk right now and then say goodbye.
Just keep doing what you are doing, and I foresee that he will keep trying to test your boundaries, so stay strong, but polite. Treat him like a roommate (someone told me this when I was struggling), that really seemed to help me.
I know it's hard, so hard. It succks, but you are doing quite well. Believe in YOU.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I know tonight is going to be one of those horrible conversations where H withdraws a little more. His strategy is to step back and back until there is no more us.. He did it 16 years ago with his relationship then- long before I was on the scene and from bits of his story he told about then I can see the pattern now. So today I preduct he will say he is not coming back home for a long time and also at Christmas he has made other plans. I keep telling myself this scenario so I can react with "Ok as you like" when what i really want to do is scream NO !
Without children to keep him returning there is nothing here that might make him want to visit.
I am detirmined to not cry- until I hang up that is..or beg or question the R though I do have to ask questions about how to get this house ready for the snow. H e has always done that and I have no clue.. there is water to be turned off and tanks to be emptied and a whole slew of things and I have not a clue..
I connected with your comment earlier about not wanting to tell people what is going on so they do not judge him but some where I need some face to face conversations.
But I so feel like calling his sister and telling her. He said no one knows.. though i find that hard to believe.. anyway great thread and things sound like they are improving.. well done
Other than simply not answering the phone (which I did not mean to do this time), what else can I do to enforce my boundary that I don't want to be friends while he is with OW?
If he calls and gets chatty then just tell him you've got something to do and need to let him go.
In the next week or two, we will start decorating for the holidays. We normally hang out stockings for over the fireplace. What do I do about h's stocking? I hate even having to worry about this. The kids don't know that h moved out (he was gone so much the previous year that they don t even realize. They think that he is just working) but my oldest will know that his stocking is missing.
I had told one friend about H's affair. I did not tell her exactly who it was. We were talking today and she said that she knew as soon as I told her exactly who it was. She said that three months before BD she was at an event with my H and Ow and she said that OW was flirting so bad and it was totally awkward and inappropriate.
Even though I already now, my heart hurts to hear that they were so obvious in public.
I just took a kitchen knife to our canvas wedding picture . I cut out his head and wedding ring. It felt good.
It was ruined anyway because we had gotten paint on it. I had been meaning to get ride of it for a while. I did it while the kids were napping. At least I got some anger out.
We normally hang out stockings for over the fireplace. What do I do about h's stocking?
That's a no-brainer. You give H's to him and then you hang the rest of them over your fireplace. He left, it's time for him to see very real signs that he's no longer part of the family.
Originally Posted By: 3boyzmom
I just took a kitchen knife to our canvas wedding picture . I cut out his head and wedding ring. It felt good.
By the way, what I posted above is exactly what I did last year at Christmastime, I gave W her stocking and I hung the rest over the fireplace. What kind of impact did it have on her? I don't know, I did it for me. I also took down the few photos of her from around the house. Personally doing things like this helped me to detach.
