WORKING TOWARD CONNECTING WORKING ON ME

[Ambivalent]

This is our journey too, and it sin't just about getting a buff body, though I must say I enjoy that part of it.

I believe that is the only benefit. I was always introspective prior to this. Read many books, so I'm kind of burning out.

I beat myself up more than anyone else could too! It is such an exhausting process.

I just want it over, one way or the other. There is a big difference from moving forward and moving on. Because there is hope, there will always be the final bomb drop or R.

I cycle back and forth from being pissed off to being empathetic. A lot of what he is going through and doing is self inflicted. I'm NOT his mom, he is one who reads a lot too, so everything at my disposal is also at his.

It's frustrating to see him run away over and over again. Compete where he has no business competing. And to top it off , calling me his best friend. How in the world can he justify treating his best friend this way?

And when I ask this it is about lying. He lies and has lied to me for years. He doesn't want to look bad, he doesn't want to hurt me, he doesn't want to get caught, and he doesn't want disapproval. That is a whole lot 'o lying !

The insecurity that he has lived with is enormous. I know part of it is his mom. For I can remember him telling me things his mom said. How is older brother was favored and the younger brother was the baby. He was stuck with being the middle of three boys, and also having two sisters that could do no wrong!

That is a ton of rejection. Probably why his friends mean so much. They accept him no matter what.