I told her my goal and expectation for the weekend was to enjoy each other, have lot's of fun, and hopefully remind her, us, of how great we are together.
She doesn't care what your goal is. YOU need to care what HER goals, feelings, thoughts and expectations are. Quit making things about you.
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I told her I didn't feel it was my place to bring up the R. That I thought if she wanted to talk about it, she should have said something.
It is your place to LISTEN to her and VALIDATE her. Quit telling her what your rules are! You are correct that you should avoid R convo's unless she initiates, but don't tell her that's what you're doing!
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I listened. I validated. I told there isn't enough apologies in the world I can say to her to take her pain away. That I completely understand the hurt she is feeling.
Do not ever tell her you understand her feelings (hurt), because you absolutely do not and she doesn't believe you do. When you say something like that she'll see it as condescending. Validating is saying you understand WHY she feels that way, not that you understand HOW she feels. It may seem like a small distinction but it's not.
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That she is scared that I will just hurt her again,and things will go back to the way they were. I told her that I don't want the same M. That I want to show her with actions that I can be the H she deserves, that words are words. But I cant show her with her being so far away.
OK, well it's good that you said you want a new M and not the old one. But don't tell her you're changing for her, you are changing for you. If you tell her you're changing for her then she'll just see it as tricks to get her back after which you'll revert to old habits.
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I told her she really has two choices.
Oh crap. Well before even reading SM34's response, I thought the same thing he did- this is controlling and manipulative behavior. As he said, it's not your job to fix her. LISTEN and VALIDATE. That's it. Don't fall back into old habits (fixit mode).
Your sitch is still really young, so settle in, this is a marathon, not a sprint. I get the sense you're trying to push things along and are getting impatient that it's not happening on your timeline. You need to remember that this is HER timeline and you CANNOT speed her along her journey. She's going to take whatever time she needs. It's your job to back off and give her that time.
