Oh Lord, MtnMan, not Dr. Zhivago! H says he saw Dr. Zhivago when he was about 12, and it made the deepest impression on him. He is of Lithuanian heritage, and Dr. Zhivago started his fascination with his heritage and all things Russian. Plus it's all about romance and soul mates and cheating on one's spouse. Ick ick ick.
Thank you for the encouragement uR. I AM stuck and do need to do something different. I'm feeling a bit "un" - unloved, unappreciated, unattractive, unhappy. When actually I have a wonderful life and every thing to be grateful for. I know a good solution for feeling "un" and am going to go do some grocery shopping for our local food pantry. Turkey's on sale for 59 cents per pound
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I was thinking you could start calling him comrade - is that ok for post-Soviet Russia? Then again, it might annoy him even more if he wants to correct you on it.
That surely is strange his Russian obsession, lol, wow.
Hey Linda, been reading along and I agree with uR. What kinds of things could you do to get yourself unstuck?
Like she said, it is an experiment and if it doesn't work then don't do it again. I think you will have to think of what would work for you and your sitch. For example, I started experimenting with touching H's hand or small physical touches. There was a time when he was backing way off or ducking his head. Now, he is accepting and almost seems to welcome it. But do it all with no expectations and don't let it ruin your mood if he rebuffs.
What do you think you could try? What is something you did for him before BD that he used to like?
C'mon give it a try!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
YOU put on those ugly a$$ booties and wear them around the house. Maybe you can prop your feet up on the coffee table while you watch Rocky IV - lol!!
Btw, I love the part where Drago is training in the high tech labs while Rocky runs in the snow, lifts big logs, and cuts firewood. I think it could make for great conversation with you and hubby - lol!!!
Hope your turkey shopping has you feeling more upbeat
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
RL, If you can stand the smell of sauerkraut, I'd be having that prepared for him for lunch and dinner. How about some Kasha? They also have a beet soup over there.
Time to think like a Russian a bit and give him what he wants....a Russian environment.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sauerkraut is not a Russian dish, it is more German. Fermented cabbage is Russian. Guess what, I made borsht yesterday, but I forgot to buy beets, so it doesn’t have any. But I still consider it borsht. So, your H’s declaration that any beef soup can be considered borsht if you put beets in it goes out of the window, haha.
Actually, there is a lot of different Russian food that is quite good. My H liked most of it, with some exceptions. So, I would not count on your H to get tired of it. You never know thought. I think if I would cook Russian food every day, my H would scream a blo@dy murder, LOL. My Irish friend in Mexico is married to a Mexican woman. He’s been living there for a number of years now, but he still cannot handle Mexican food every single day. He has to have his spuds (potatoes) and butter. He also loves curry, like most Europeans do.
TVS is into something here, about the booties. What if you would ask H to ask RT to make you the matching pair? Just a thought…
Well, Rosa, there are lots of funny responses here. And they night not feel appropriate for you right now. There is definitely something going on in your H’s head. Like I said before (I think) that he is trying to build his fantasy worlds as close to home as possible. I don’t know if any of your actions would change it though. He has to live it for a while. I almost guarantee you, it will not last long. I think he is desperately looking for a solution of the mess he has created. RT pushes him, but he doesn’t want to take any action, so he is doing all these weird things just to pretend that he is doing something about it.
Wishing you a lot of patience. And, yes, I like some of the advice to shake it up a little.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hey Rosa, when you go for that "something new" make sure it's something that'll help you. 'Cause there's a good chance it may not make any immediate difference to H. It will be socked away in his mind though, and may eventually help him when he is ready.
I like the fun idea's above. Maybe do something like that if it will raise your spirits, and make standing easier for you. Maybe you could have UR make up some Russian clothes for his skype computer! You can get away with a lot more than most... we both know your H is not going anywhere any time soon, if ever. Have fun with this knowledge. You do have power and say in your M.
You could even inject a few reality darts while you're at it. Subtly drop hints that you don't intend to stand in this loveless M forever. That is the reality, right?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Can you please give me an example of a "truth dart?"
My definition of a truth dart is a one way reality comment regarding the relationship. It's a few words that are tossed in a conversation when things are going well, that basically hint as to how you feel, or where you are regarding the relationship. I say one way because you really are not looking for a response, because a response could easily lead to a drawn out relationship talk which likely would not be helpful.
Timing is everything! Reality darts (my preferred term) are never injected when things are tense. Toss your darts and move on. Give them time to have affect.
Originally Posted By: Ambivalent
Ooooo, you can get some Russian nesting dolls.
I never liked those dolls. They're so full of themselves.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
