I have been given the advice to expose to everyone he knows not here at DB but else where and my gut tells me exactly what has been written here. If I do that then there is no way back. The shame would bring anger long lastibg anger and quite squarely set at me. At the moment while I can see I irritate him I can also see he is uncomfortable with himself and all I am doing is being ... what am I being ? Not a door mat, I have said I am hurt, and betrayed. H e used the old cliche The marriage has been over for a long time, the timing of the affair was a coin idence...I guess this is a truth he can live with at the moment. I keep reminding myself I can not control him...or MAKE him do or feel anything except make him angry and feel angry- that I can do but that is not a way forward.
So very badly , I think, I am not handling this well at all, I am trying to give him a space to come back. He will be ashamed if he does reconcile or even try to reconcile. Making him feel worse is only a petty satisfaction for me and will only leave bitter anger which is hard to overcome. At the moment is does not look hopeful, he withdraws more and more from me just withdraw less and less contact.. won't allow me to visit. Seems like he has to remember that he has decided I should not visit. He looked, for a split second happy then quickly remembered and went back to You don't like that town so don't come over.
But the point is I can live in my own skin. at the end of the day I have done nothing to hurt him or make the sitch worse. If it ends badly there will be nothing I need to be ashamed about. I acted honourably and stayed true to my principles. I love him even though he said he does not feel anything for me. My purpose is not to make him more unhappy. That is revenge and below me.. sorry for the rant..I am actually sorting that out in head as I write.
