"Exposing and letting the truth be known as you suggest will at the minimum cause the wayward much shame."
The "Cause" of the shame is the behavior, NOT the exposure.
Personally, I spent too much time trying to manipulate my W into coming back. It was emotionally draining and ineffective. If that is what you are trying to accomplish through exposure, then it is probably not a good strategy.
But, there are a number of other purposes for exposing an affair. Maybe it is to defend you're reputation against lies the spouse is telling. Maybe it is to bring a bad living situation to a head so necessary changes can be made. Maybe there is another party who has a right to know the situation.
Regardless, the exposure is not the source of the shame, and the person being exposed is not a victim.
