I think I can stop this.... can you help me?

[mustardseed]

Hi Fitz. Sorry to see you here but it has been an excellent supportive outlet to me in my short time being here. It is nice to be given advice that doesn't involve giving up.

It does, however, involve detachment--which other posters have already mentioned. This is the key to surviving this process because right now so much is out of your control, and it is really important that you let go of those things that you cannot control (your wife in the case) and feel ok with it. The only way to accomplish this is to detach, and to focus on the things you can control (yourself). At first it feels like you are faking it, but once you start to truly detach it starts to feel pretty darn good despite the negative energy hovering around the WAS. I am still very early in this process, but this week I have started to feel the real benefits of detaching.

You have to stop trying to read into her actions--the good and the bad. She seems to be all over the place and she will drive you crazy if you go along for her ride right now. One of the best metaphors someone told me here (maybe tryingtodo180?) was to let WAS drive their bus. Don't try to get into the drivers seat, but get the heck off of it ASAP for your own sanity. And while she is going for her joy ride, work on yourself. Keep yourself busy, make positive changes for yourself (you can start with her complaints about you, but only change the ones that make sense to you). You learned your lesson about the letter, and it seems as if she was pushing you to defend yourself, beg, argue, plead, so that she could once again be justified in her decision to leave. Stop playing that game.

You will have good days and bad days, on my bad days I try to stay out of the house a lot. I will go for a walk, a drive, to the library, or throw myself into work or a hobby. I think part of the GAL is to have an outlet that allows you to change your negative feelings into a positive attitude (PMA). You have time on your side while she tries to figure out how to navigate this. Let her go crazy with the details while you focus on moving forward. It is easier said then done, but when you finally feel what detaching feels like it will make things much easier to deal with.