I think I can stop this.... can you help me?

[Fitz]

Thank you for your words of advice and encouragement, much appreciated. Our problems have been going on for the better part of this year. She has threatened D or Separation on about 5 occasions now. Each time we had "the talk", which would be me convincing her to stay.

The toughest part of this has been getting through the denial and accepting that this is really happening, and then trying to convince myself that I can do something about it.

I have read Sandi's rules as well as DB and DR. I would consider myself about 1 week into this situation now. I find it difficult to know when to do what. I know that I will figure it out eventually, but for the most part this week I have been working on detaching. When we are home together I do my own thing, either playing with my son or reading.

But there have been several instances where I have not been sure if I have been misreading the signs that she is giving me, or if I have just been looking too hard for signs.

For example: all of these talks have been initiated by her. She will ask me what I want here. Most of the times I have tried to avoid having those conversations, just said something along the lines of us still needing to cool down a little before we discuss it, or saying that we should talk about this later. The one time that I did say that I loved her and wanted to give it another shot, that is the time she ripped into me about not being able to change and things never getting better and told me she wanted a separation. How should I handle this from now on when she wants to talk about it?

I have also been sleeping on the couch for the past week. Two nights ago she told me that I didn't have to do that every night, that she would take a turn, but I just shrugged it off and said I'm ok. At the time I really didn't care to talk about any such arrangement. But then last night she said that it was ok if I sleep in the bed, implying that we'd both be there. But it just seemed awkward, so I couched it again. What would be your recommendation in that situation? Should I take her up on either of those offers or should I wait until things cool down a bit?

She has also emailed me at least once a day, usually not saying anything important. For the sake of making things worse for myself I just have not been responding to her. Is that the right move?

And then today I found out that she had gotten into my cell phone account online to view the numbers that I have been calling and texting, and she had even called 2 of them and hung up on them just to see who they were. What would be her reasoning for that?

Tonight I came home from work, she was working at home all day, and when I got home I noticed that she hadn't even showered yet. She was pigging out on food all day, and I'm talking junk food, and she was in a foul mood. It almost seems that me not chasing her down like I have in the past is already gotten to her. I sometimes feel like a simple conversation could fix this. But that could also be denial on my part.

Plans for thanksgiving came up again. I asked her if she was gonna go to her uncles house and she said yeah. But then she said wait a minute what did u just say? So I repeated myself, and she said am I going to go!! You don't mean are WE going to go!! Then she went off on an expletive tirade saying that she doesn't care what she does and as far as she's concerned the holidays can kiss her u know what, and she would just assume to never leave the house again. I'm still learning this 180 stuff, so I simply responded by getting up and telling her I was going to get a pizza, and asking if she wanted anything. Trying to show her that this wasn't bothering me. (We did eat pizza together by the way afterwards).

Sorry for the rant, my head is just spinning with all that is going on. I'm confused. One minute I think everything will be ok, and we are acting like we always have, and the next I am convinced that it's the end of the line. I'm sure a lot of you have felt this way several times. I think I am handling it ok for now, it's just awful not knowing.