In April my H dropped the bomb and wanted divorce; he claimed he was unloved, unhappy and lonely for so many years. In Sept. I discovered the OW who lives in another city. They met once a month during weekend. I've been in this site for a while and got a little bit confused. Should I confront my H or not? Some said not, but some said do it sooner otherwise their emontional bonding will be deeper and deeper. I have two little kids and we still live in the same house. I don't want our kids to be hurt. I know H and the OW will meet again soon. Should I tell my H I know it already and stop him?
You inputs and advices are really appreciated. Thank you...
Hi Peace,
I'm sorry you're going thru this, and I know how it feels (my own wife had an affair 6 years ago). To say it's "painful" is a terrible understatement.
I'm unaware of any specific DB advice that says not to have a truthful talk with your spouse about their infidelity. I think it's EXPOSURE -- proactively going to other involved parties, and notifying THEM about the affair -- that is against MWD's teaching?
I certainly don't think you're obligated to continue acting like there's nothing going on, nor is it healthy to.
One major note, though: you can't "stop him" from doing ANYTHING. You can't control this. All you can control is YOU, and your own options and choices. But it's certainly to let your husband know what those boundaries are -- i.e., "I will not live in an open marriage . . . it sounds like we both have some decisions to make."
Hope that helps,
Starsky
You have the help of great DBers with many different perspectives.
The first line is do everything before the Last Resort Technique, which can end your relationship, but many folks with a spouse in an affair find themselves here.
When you can absolutely take no more, but you would entertain serious effort on the part of your partner, there is the After The Last Resort Technique. Realize that the Last Resort Technique AND the After The Last Resort Technique can end your marriage.
Many of our longstanding members advocate extreme measures that worked for them, even though we at divorcebusting.com do not. We do not officially publish or recommend them because the same measures can end your marriage.
Divorce Busting, the upgrade, Divorce Remedy; and Keeping Love Alive; offer many options to try long before the drastic measures of the LRT or the ALRT.
