By the way, I did a couple of sessions with one of the Divorce Busting coaches a few years ago. Very friendly and helpful. I just can't get my wife to participate.
I took responsibility that it wasn't his fault that I couldn't climax.
That's commendable. I think my wife sort of blamed me on this point some years back.
Quote:
He went to her he says, because he needed to be touched, he was going crazy.
Well, if those were his exact words, he overreached! You can go to a legit massage therapist and get that!
Quote:
Now at the time he went to her...was in the middle of us selling our house, one daughter falling apart, and me stressed beyond compare. He never told me how he felt.
Just guessing here, and I could be way wrong in your case. But having been in what sounds like a similar situation, when my wife sends out signals that she is stressed out, and she didn't want sex even when she wasn't stressed, I'm not inclined to burden her with my needs and why she's not meeting them. Most men would say they know when to shut up.
Quote:
I asked if he would hold my face ore head. I also asked for him to take me passionately, not rape, not aggressively but , throw me up against a wall.
Ooh, I like that. Wish my wife had made those requests!
I have to say, the way he would initiate was the way I believe men with to have a woman initiate.
As a woman, for me it wasn't romantic or sexy.
He would go for my breasts like I was a radio, or grab my rear, etc.
I would have preferred him grabbing my whole body, or jump me by surprise.
Now this is my fault too. I was afraid to tell him this. I was afraid I would insult him or hurt his feelings . It's hard because I know men like to be grabbed or touched directly.
It wasn't erotic for me, it was...I don't know, predictable, annoying? Also, the bedroom was boring to me.
Aaaaah, this really does get me thinking, but also it is SO frustrating.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
He would go for my breasts like I was a radio, or grab my rear, etc.
I would have preferred him grabbing my whole body, or jump me by surprise.
Now this is my fault too. I was afraid to tell him this. I was afraid I would insult him or hurt his feelings . It's hard because I know men like to be grabbed or touched directly.
Yes, this is huge. Communication is the key. Without it, it would only work if you happened to guess each other's preferences perfectly. The communication could be just physical, like placing someone's hands somewhere, etc. But the point is, I now understand that good lovers try to learn everything about each other. If you just go by "all men like this and not that" or "women like this but not that", you're likely to be wrong in your partner's case.
For example, your statement that men like to be touched or grabbed directly... not always true. Sometimes men like a slow buildup. Not to mention sharing fantasies, which can be very unique and different.
I'd say that reluctance to share these kinds of intimate and playful thoughts and feelings is a major cause of a poor sexual relationship in a long-term marriage.
The misunderstanding can be sadly comical if you think about it. Here's a man doing things to a woman that he thinks he's supposed to do. And here's a woman who's having things done to her that she doesn't like, but feels that she should like because the man is supposed to know what to do. So nobody is really having any fun at all. And it never changes. No wonder it gets boring after the novelty wears off.
The misunderstanding can be sadly comical if you think about it. Here's a man doing things to a woman that he thinks he's supposed to do. And here's a woman who's having things done to her that she doesn't like, but feels that she should like because the man is supposed to know what to do. So nobody is really having any fun at all. And it never changes. No wonder it gets boring after the novelty wears off.
I completely concur. I just want another crack at this! Since becoming an esthetician, I've learned by myself that asking how someone feels is imperative. Do you like this, is this too much, please let me know if...
Uuuugh, I have NO clue with my husband, and he really doesn't with me. God I want to tell him so many things and want to hear so many things. I'm so frustrated because I feel I have no chance, especially IF he is getting it somewhere else now.
With MLC it complicates EVERYTHING ! I could just burst into to tears right now. GAWD, I'm 53 and this is where I am?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Yeah, she's staying to remind me I'm not getting any!
But you're right, we should look at the good side of things. As for being 53 and where you are, look at it this way -- how many people over 50 can look forward to experiencing really good sex for the first time? Many people seem to think their most intense sexual experiences happened when they started their first serious relationship in their 20's. Many others simply say sex gets gradually better with age. But few people over 50 can look forward to a big jump in the quality of their sexual relationship to something unlike they've ever had before. So just pretend you're a teenager who's about to get it right and have the time of your life. That is, in fact, pretty much the way I feel in spite of my circumstances. It helps to be ridiculously optimistic -- other people catch on to that and admire it.
