wife hardens heart-6

[planet]

I do not like to spank my kids especially it is out of my own frustration of inability to control them. Therefore, I rarely spank them and it is extremely rare.

XW parents have some weird logic that we should not discipline nor reprimand the kids. The kids should be allowed to continue their unruly behavior because they will eventually outgrow them. The word discipline here does not translate to just using physical force. One will have to look at how their own kids turn out to know they have got it wrong. XFIL is a proud man and has an ego the size of an elephant. He thinks he's right all the time. He thinks researches from experts are wrong.

My mom used make us do chores. We learned responsibility from it. That is discipline.

Can you see my frustrations dealing with them including XW?
The problem is we are divorced and I don't spend enough time with them. It's not 50-50 time either. I'll have to make do with the little time I have.
I don't expect others to understand this. You lived in a land where the law favours both parties. It is extremely unfair here. I don't think you can even comprehend how helpless I feel. Losing my family and all.

I have been lied to since day one. Naively believed I have a chance with XW all this while. Our pictures are up. My cup is still there. Etc. Everything is just for show.
She and OM are having a secret relationship for a long time. The day I left, she even told me it was just puppy love on OM's part.
Now they begin to do it openly. Breaks my heart again.
She loves OM now. D3 repeated to me this 'mummy loves OM, OM loves mummy'. 10 years of R gone in the space of couple of months.
Last couple of weeks, I have been avoiding XW. I have nothing I want to talk to her about. I just can't bring myself to pretend being happy around her. I feel very empty.

I have been thinking very hard on just moving on. Forget XW.

I have read one thread talking about EDMR treatment. I need some help dealing with my insomnia.
I managed to locate one here. Going to my first appointment on Sunday. The fees is pretty high and I don't think I can afford it for long.