"Let it all go" see what the future holds!

[albamarie]

Journaling:

My H, (that just doesn't even sound right) said he turns towards EA's in rebellion. He doesn't want anything to do with her, she is an avenue. HE would never live with her for many reasons one being he doesn't like her that way, but also because then he wouldn't have anywhere to turn to satisfy his rebelliousness.

He said if he helped her and moved in because we S, than he would come here and I would become the OW, that pisses her off. Hence, still getting out his rebellion. I didn't know what to say...sure give her a taste of her own sh!t, no I said...you leave you don't come back. You find yourself thinking clearer, maybe grown up, give me a call and I will decide if I want to talk to you. Was that OK?

He doesn't want to leave, but he knows I don't want him here. He said I can't be mean to him like her because I don't mean it, I can call him an assho!e all I want, coming from me it's not that damning because he deserves it.

This came about because my S22 started talking to him about doing things around the house and getting off his butt. H said he doesn't have what it takes for this family, we're better than him that's why he hangs with EA because she's worse than him. My son said he's damaged.

This is MLC spew but it seems to be also who he is now. Stuck in the spew and living like a functioning addict. It's kinda funny because all the yrs of complaining about our home he defended it saying, "this is my home".

I want to prepare for S. He may never leave but that doesn't mean I can't live a separate life, once I can get my mind off of what he's doing. Really, he needs me more than I need him. We are already untwined, but my mind still goes in his business, which never does me any good. I don't want to care anymore, but it's hard when he doesn't come home, I have a case of TMI and it drives me nuts.

I am looking for peace, and it's hard to maintain when you live with a tornado!