Still Have Hope.....

[Tinman]

Mach1 so glad to see you are still around! I can't tell you how valuable your advice was last time around, even though sometimes it was not what I wanted to hear.

When I think back to what worked last time I had a few things that were in my favor. We lived just 5 houses away and so I would see her and/ or she would see me from time to time out in the front yard, at the mail box, at the grocery store, etc... The kids would go back and forth to visit. Even then there were not too many times when she initiated contact. Although it was more then, than it is now for sure. I would drop by once in a while and give her and her boys a small gift.
Now she lives about 5 miles away. The last time my girls saw her was when we took her out for her birthday at the end of August. She responds when my girls text her but she never initiates contact. My oldest is very upset with her for leaving again. They were very close and it is so strange that she does not reach out to any of us. Well unless she needs something from me. I have seen her twice since the end of August. The first time was to drop off some mail and a few things that were left here and the second time was last week when she called because her washer was broken.

I think that I have backed off a lot more that what I did last time. Last time she gave me hope and made me feel like there was still a chance. She was not pushing the divorce and just wanted to live and see how things went. Now we both kind of pushed the divorce. I more so because I did not want her to get tangled up in the financial mess that was caused by my first wife. I have let her know that I still have hope for us. The occasional card or text. I am always the one to initiate. She always responds and is very nice but usually kind of brief.

I am sure she is interested in seeing what happens with the financial stuff and also if I am going to continue to take care of myself and get in better physical and mental shape. That said I don't know if I continue to initiate contact once in a while or just let her go completely.

I have started dating. I have been seeing a very nice woman and it has made this much easier. I almost stop seeing her last week after seeing my W because I guess seeing her brought back all those feelings and I just know she is the person I love and really want to be with. The lady I am seeing has commented that she is the rebound relationship and I feel bad about that. I keep telling myself not to get to involved with her as I know I am not ready for that but it is nice to have someone who wants to spend time with you.

Thinking about my W and how she has just been able to move on with her life and basically case people aside and not initiate contact with them is difficult. She did it with her son who she has only recently started to spend time with so basically about 6 months that she did not have him in her life. My girls who she was very close to. They thought of her as their real mother but unless they make the effort to contact her she is simply gone. And me. She walked out on us again at the time we needed her most. She is very kind about everything and I know she has an enormous heart but to think she can just move on with life without us in it is hard to understand.

She mentioned last week when I saw her that she was in to the Doctors again and is going through a new round of hormone replacement and she is feeling much better. She said prior to that she would have days that she sat and cried all day long. She said it was not that she was sad or upset but she just could not stop crying. Last time she left it had a lot to do with her hormones being out of whack so I am hoping she starts to miss us or something.

Plan going forward....
I intend to cut back on the notes. Was sending something maybe once a month, just to say hi and that I was thinking of her. And texts I was texting her maybe once a week saying something like happy Friday and that I hoped she had a good weekend. She would typically respond with a brief note. When I ask her a question about how her father is doing or something like that she is a bit more open. Just feel like if I cut off initiating communication all hope is lost and maybe I need to face the facts and realize that it already is....